Entries 62

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Lately, it has been a lot of the same stuff, different day. Wake up, work on reselling for 8 hours, with a 20-45 minute break for lunch, make dinner, and then watch tv for the rest of the evenin...

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Today is my birthday. I woke up early because I just wanted to have a few hours to contemplate things in solitude. I wanted to sit with all of the thoughts that come with 51. Before the world ...

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I made the yummiest baked chicken fritters with an onion teriyaki/Japanese bbq sauce last night. It was almost identical to Panda Express. I made steamed carrots and white rice to go with it. It...

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Last night, we went out with Rick’s childhood best friend, and his wife, who is ALSO Rick’s friend from early on. I just think it’s so cool that two people on Rick’s path found one another and h...

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Rick’s birthday weekend went as well as it could have. I felt terrible that I could not throw him a huge celebration. Yes, turning sixty should be cause for a to-do. But we simply do not have th...

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Rick has this perpetual frown the past few days that makes him look like a character from a Tim Burton animated movie. I am trying to tell myself it is just his own feelings about turning 60 and...

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I have been fretting over whether or not my entry about therapy, and the issues I am dealing with makes me sound unwell or unstable. I am an open book, and I share my truth- good, bad, beautiful...

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Do you remember your dreams? If you remember your dreams, do you attempt to interpret them, either on your own, or with the help of a book? I would love to hear others’ thoughts and perspectives...

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Therapy was a little tough yesterday. We talked about how my emotions are sitting right at the surface lately. My therapist got to the root of the problem within half an hour. I have found mysel...

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Yesterday was a make up chemo meds day, as i did not have my refill from the pharmacy in time to take it on Monday. The bad thing about Methotrexate is that you can feel the effects within 40 mi...

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I have been out of sorts the past few days. Emotional over trivial things. The tears are forever just on the surface and it takes very little to get it flowing. Yesterday, as we were running err...

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Did you know that there is a nerve that runs near the kneecap that is often referred to as the funny bone of the knee? I didn’t, and after yesterday, I got a full education in that fact. I was g...

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Yesterday was a doozy. I spent almost all day figuring out how to list dozens of different perfume samples in one listing on eBay. I wanted to set up variations and it took hours upon hours. I a...

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I came across a picture today in my photo memories slideshow and it got me thinking. The picture was taken outside a Pick-Up-Stix in Riverside, CA. nine or ten years ago. We were attending a gr...

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I am feeling angsty today. Mad at the world. Mad at the government. Mad at myself. Mad at the people I loved who have hurt me. I am mad that so many of us aren’t making it. I am mad that I am s...

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Yesterday was one of the toughest days I have had in quite a long time. Therapy brought up childhood stuff, and I was grossly ill-prepared for the aftermath of digging up old bones. Things were...

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Feeling a bit downtrodden and disheartened today. We were counting on Rick’s tax return money, but lo and behold, they took the federal money for past taxes, and the state money is in peril. T...

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Fair means that everyone gets what they need. It was something that was belted into my head in my early intervention classes in college. There is almost no such thing as fair in this world anymo...

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Yesterday was rough. One of the roughest days I have had in a bit. I had started the morning seeing a post on Facebook from a friend who lives in the mountains, but works in N.E. Los Angeles, wh...

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Rick and I went for a walk last night to have a cigarette. It is the first time I had left the apartment in DAYS. I think Thursday was the last time I had gotten a little fresh air. We got to ta...

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I woke up very early today. 5:45 to be exact. Rick had gotten up to use the bathroom, and put his REALLY warm hand on my back, and that woke me. I made the mistake of putting my glasses on to lo...

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When Rick and I were at his friend’s documentary screening, we ran into our friend, Ryan. Ryan had asked what Rick was up to, and in the middle of Rick showing Ryan what he’s designed, someone a...

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I have learned to become accustomed to operating in a state of lack. I have struggled financially on and off my entire life. There are long periods of stability thrown in there, for contrast, lo...

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I managed to work on the reselling stuff yesterday, in spite of it being my chemo meds day. To my benefit, I was sitting in a comfy chair. I worked until I was too tired to continue. I tried lay...

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We had a very lazy Sunday. Up until 11:00 a.m., I thought K.’s girlfriend was still around, because she hadn’t texted me to tell me that she had left, like she had the previous day. I am not hid...

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