So tonight.. long story short… my ex told our children “I wish your mother wouldn’t fill your head with such lies.”
Long story being, I came home to find him waiting, in his car. I went over and told him the kids didn’t want to go. He said I had to tell them that they had to. I went and told them “dad says you have to” and then went back to say they said no.. and so on it went back and forth until he said Storey had to go to pack her things for the new house (he is moving) so she knew where everything was (no doubt so that when something is lost he can say “well you packed it, if it’s lost its your fault” because I have seen this scenario before) and I realised… I am NOT a messenger, I am not forcing them to go with you. Stop making it look like I am the perpetrator here
I am wondering what lies these are.. and suspect the statement was merely due to making him come collect his six year old, whom never wants to go visit him, from the car. Instead of making me relay his messages and have me force her to go.
I’m not being the bad guy for him.
I went to mediation two weeks ago, as Nathan is moving into a tiny granny flat with no ROOMS.. that’s right… entirely open plan… and he will sleep on the couch when the kids stay (not thinking “dad has to sleep on the couch when we stay over so we can have the bed” from his kids perspective) Prior to this he was “concerned” that I had gone back to mediation. To which I said there were some things I was worried about and I wasn’t sure if they were justified concerns or not so I went to speak to a neutral party. They said they were legitimate concerns and so sent him an invitation to discuss/dispute them and mention his own concerns. He doesn’t have to go if he doesn’t want to.
He seems to have this idea that I think of myself as “above” him somehow. I don’t see how… but he keeps bringing it up so I give up arguing about it.
Meanwhile, I called a place that offers child psychology, regarding his diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They called me back within hours and seemed concerned there isn’t a custody order or restraining order against him. This… in correlation with the mediator suggesting the girls spend half as much time with dad than they already do… makes me wonder if I should have been more concerned than I have been about this situation?
My response to the “mother filling with lies” was:
“I don’t think that’s appropriate to suggest to children. I don’t say anything about you except for a few weeks ago when I was crying and they asked why, I said I just had a disagreement with dad but it’s nothing they need to worry about.
Please don’t make them think everything I say is a lie. I don’t say these things about you. This is what mediation is for.”
I don’t know anymore. Sigh sigh sigh.
I made a point tonight of telling the girls they are responsible for their own feelings and not for other peoples, even if that person blames them for them feeling sad or mad.. You’re responsible for how you feel, as they are responsible for how they feel. the end.
I hope I do okay.
-SP
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