January 5 in Never Say Never
- Jan. 5, 2015, 6:54 a.m.
- |
- Public
Yesterday was a 5. Neither exceptionally good nor exceptionally bad.
Anxiety was mostly at bay. I did yoga for an hour, ate vegan, napped for a hour, worked 1.75 billable hours, knitted, finished watching Broad City, watched The Bling Ring, and watched an embarrassing amount of Sister Wives (which was on in the background during some of these other activities). I am now all caught up on Boring Cody and His Four Wives. I forgot to meditate, which clearly needs a dedicated time or else is going to get forgotten, so I am going to say that I am going to meditate each day after I write this entry.
I also was away from Facebook entirely yesterday, for about 32 hours actually. So yay me, even though I have already been there today and looked at maybe the first 20 or so posts. After a breakup Facebook feels like the equivalent of the high school drive-by circa 1988: “Just checking to see if you’re home and giving myself a heart attack in the process.”
But I am not checking to see if he’s home. In fact, I am reading the feed very, very slowly so that I can see all the names of the posters before I scroll to see the posts in order to avoid any and all posts from someone he knows. I perfected the art of not looking in on someone via cyberspace right after I did a drive-by on Patrick in 2006 and discovered he was married, saw photos of his wife, their apartment, their vacations, and even his wedding band. After that, some resolve took hold and I can not only maintain “no contact” in the age of texting, but I can not look for/at someone’s online junk quite easily. For that, I am grateful.
See how I worked that in?
Happy Monday, kids. (Also grateful I could type that.)
Last updated January 05, 2015
Satine ⋅ January 05, 2015
You are stronger than me woman! If someone is cut off I am good to never contact again but rampant facebook stalking is definitely in my top 10 guilty pleasures. It is a pleasure though, so I like to think it's not hurting me, even if it's not true. :) I didn't realize Patrick was married so long ago. Feel free to ignore if you don't know/don't want to trigger anything but is he still married? And yes, happy Monday! Every day above the ground is a good one, seriously.
Athena Satine ⋅ January 05, 2015
I don't know if he is still married. I have zero contact with anyone who knows him and I haven't snooped around since that fateful day in 2006. He was living in Chicago at the time and I don't even know if that's where he's still living.
Ginger Snap ⋅ January 05, 2015
Happy Monday is right. Look, a five day at this time is like a small victory! Keep going. It sounds like you're taking the steps in the right direction. Good!
.bob ⋅ January 05, 2015
You have idea how much respect I have for the way you are honest, and gentle, with yourself.
Athena .bob ⋅ January 05, 2015
I wasn't exactly honest and gentle with myself when I re-engaged with a person who had annihilated me emotionally once before, which is how I landed in this pickle barrel. For that I am having to meditate on forgiveness -- for myself. Also I had a small panic attack about not living the kind of life I want to live after talking to our dear Austin friend this weekend. I know where you're at a little bit. xx
Parliament ⋅ January 05, 2015
You'd be surprised at how exhilarating the "unsubscribe" button can be.
Athena Parliament ⋅ January 05, 2015
indeed. i have "unfollowed" i think everyone in his circle, but i can't be sure there isn't someone i've forgotten about. the "unfriend" button seems too likely to stir up drama right now.
Athena Parliament ⋅ January 06, 2015
i began the unfriending process this morning.
daylight ⋅ January 06, 2015
I'm caught up now. I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time, my sweet friend. The way you're handling it, though, really impresses me. You will, undoubtedly, come out the other side wiser and stronger and I admire that about you.