What did I learn from my rape dreams?
They are tied to core emotional themes like–
Abandonment / not being chosen
Worth tied to being useful
Safety through submission
Learned helplessness
Safety through submission really resonated with me. It could be possible that my idea of safety comes from knowing that I have outsourced it to someone else in a way that it completely belongs to them as a property, in this scenario I indirectly view myself as their property. This means that my sense of safety is only derived when it doesn't belong to me but belongs to someone else. This means that feeling controlled by someone else is my sense of safety. The feeling of being controlled makes me feel safe. Rape involves control. Violence involves control too. Mental domination involves control too. These are control aspects. I have broadly coined the term CPDD or Control Power Dominance Dynamic. Any dynamic whether mild or extreme that involves control, power and domination is either repulsive or attractive to people who have previously suffered some form of abuse, trauma, neglect, control,abandonment.
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