I’ve been doing really well with this life outlook change. I’m not worrying or stressing. I’m being positive. I am happy. Sometimes old thoughts creep into my head but I am able to push them back before they get full blown.
I didn’t go to work on New years eve. I have been having stomach pain on and off for a few weeks and Tuesday at school I was in tears cause the pressure was so bad. So off to the hospital I went on Wednesday morning. (In Turkey we don’t have doctors offices if you’re sick you go to the hospital) I was seen by a doctor immediately. No English. I did my best to explain the problem. She examined my stomach then sent me downstairs for blood and urine tests. After about 20 minutes they came to me and told me to drink a big bottle of water and tell them when I had to pee. I ended up waiting over an hour cause the doctor went on break. My stomach was so bloated and felt rock hard. I was convinced I was gonna pee myself during the ultrasound! The guy apologized I think he could tell how full I was.
But anyways it turns out I have an intestinal infection. Yay me! Antibiotics should clear it up. But I constantly feel gross and bloated.
The past few days have been great. I’ve been hanging out with my ex and also seeing friends. Thursday I hung out with my ex at home then we went to dinner. Friday I met up with my friends (like 6 of us) we had lunch and drinks. Went to see the guy who did my tattoo. He told me how great my energy was and he likes having me around to talk to. Annnnd he totally hit on me. Which is bad cause he and my friend have a thing. But my ego isn’t complaining ;) Saturday my ex and I went to an art exhibition. Joan Miro. Way too abstract and way too many boobs and penises to be found in everything. After the exhibition we went to the city center. Shared a sandwich and met my friend and his brother who is visiting. It was sooooo weird cause his brother is so different than him! And today I met with my friend and his brother for breakfast later I had a friend over for pizza. It’s been really really great!
My ex and I are having so much fun together. It feels like we never broke up. This is good and bad. It’s good because we are so much happier when we are together. Our conversations are great and we are able to communicate without fighting. He is being affectionate with me. It’s been nice but can be emotionally confusing. Sometimes he will bring up past situations and I need to remind him that isn’t me anymore. I don’t know if we will get back together. Definitely not now. Later this month I’ll go to konya to visit him. Probably we won’t consider getting back together until after he’s back in Istanbul. I am fine with how things are though. I’m fine with being his friend and well the sex is kind of amazing as well ;)
Past me would never be ok with this situation. Past me would need a goal would need stability from him. Past me would make him define it right now.
I am so happy that I am not past me anymore. New me is happy and confident. New me is ready for challenges and doesn’t worry or get angry. New me is pretty freaking awesome!
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