I am getting a little nervous about finances, but what else is new? March and April were the best months in my life when it comes to reselling. I was making my highest gross per item, as well, with some items selling for 200-399 dollars.
And then? The bottom dropped out. I went from 10+ sales a week to ZERO. All of that money went to new tires (we got a bolt in one, and the tires were dangerously bald), utility bills, food, and my phone bill. If I could have kept the momentum up, I could have been on my way to making a dent in the rent.
That did not happen. It is the 2nd, and we have not paid rent yet. Rick said he is waiting for a check to clear.
The availability of jobs in Rick’s field are non existent. I found one company that is right up his alley near us, and I am hoping he’ll give them a call on Monday. Rick’s resume is STACKED with a wealth of experience and really cool projects, including The Boys, an Oscar nominated animated film, numerous Disney movie campaigns, Deadpool, I can go on and on. They would be remiss to NOT give him a chance.
I know it’s the nature of show business to have times aplenty and then famine in terms of creative design and engineering. The companies that NEED these projects completed sometimes are not willing to pay fairly for the work. The entertainment industry is basically dead here in CA in terms of production. The work is in Toronto or Australia.
I try REALLY hard to contribute in meaningful ways in our household. I am VERY limited in what I can do, though. Reselling is my only avenue right now to bring money in, while also making space for my health. IF I could work a job outside the home, I would. But alas…
My horoscope for May told me to be brave and take opportunities where I can find them. Today, I saw a post by an elderly lady who is also a reseller, but is looking to hire someone to teach her how to use Facebook Marketplace, OR cross list her inventory on other platforms onto Marketplace FOR her. I took that as a sign and sent her a message. I even told her it might be more prudent and cost effective to have someone teach her how to use it, as having someone list it for you, could be mighty expensive at the end of the day.
OKAY, SO… She messaged me back, and I think because we’re already acquainted, she was ready to hire me NOW. We’re going to talk next week when she is free. WOO HOO! Just for good measure, I put out a post on Facebook for family and friends, asking that if they have anything they were going to take to a thrift, that they consider giving ME their cast offs. I always have great luck with my own people, who just want to help. I am also keeping an eye out for people that are offering things for free on Facebook and Nextdoor. If people ask why I want the items, I am ALWAYS honest about how I will be selling them.
Today, Rick is going to his alma mater’s senior class art show at the Pasadena Convention Center. Did I really want to go? ABSOLUTELY. Am I? No. I cannot stand or walk for an entire day, while also doing it solo, because Rick needs to network with the Art Center alumni and staff, in hopes of a potential teaching position.
I will be here at K.’s alone. Which is okay. I have a lot I can do to stay busy, but the fear of missing out is strong. I grieve the days where I was mobile and could actually do fun things.
Wednesday, Rick and his college friends are all getting together to honor a friend and fraternity brother who died. I assumed it would be a guys only thing, and I didn’t know the deceased, so it’s okay if I stay home. BUT… while I have been pushing Rick to go out and do things without me because I CAN’T, I am still so afraid that eventually, he’s going to tire of having a crippled, unwell girlfriend who can’t participate in normal activities. And I told him that out of anxiety and frustration just now.
I think he’s exasperated with me. I don’t think he’s kissed me in three days. He used to wait for me if we were both going to a different room. We would go out to smoke together. I go to bed easily three or four hours before him, and wake three or four hours before him, so we’re apart a lot. During the day, when we’re home, he’s on his computer ALL DAY. So I spend a lot of time on my own, doing my own thing, quietly.
There’s no threat of breaking up, but there are more than a few stressors in our relationship right now. Top reasons are finances and my health.
I try to be a good partner, but I definitely fail some days. There are a lot of days when I feel like he deserves better, and should leave me. And I would not ever tell my therapist this, but if that ever happened, I would 100% end it.
I hate my brain. Now I am emotional. It’s gonna be a lonnnnnnnnggggggg day if I don’t affect a head change, pronto.
I keep feeling like my world keeps getting smaller and smaller. I know cancers are known for withdrawing into their own shells, but I can only withdraw so far before my mental health suffers.
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