Friday 1 May 2026 in 2026

Dear A,
This evening, I went out for dinner and completely forgot that it was a bank holiday weekend. The restaurant was busier than I had expected. I started with quail. For the main, I had beef, and I finished with an Amalfi lemon tart. I always wonder: do these desserts actually contain Amalfi lemons or just supermarket ones? I had a glass of red wine with the beef and a dessert wine with the tart. A birthday party was happening in another part of the restaurant, but their noise filtered through. It was a bit off-putting.
Tomorrow, I’m going to a birthday party—for a dog. Is that a bit strange? For me, perhaps, since I don’t have any pets of my own. But this particular dog, I’ve known for 4 years, so maybe it’s not so odd after all. I’ve already bought her a birthday card, and tomorrow I’ll pick up a treat and probably a gift. Last year, I got her a treat-dispensing toy that wobbled around as she chased it. This time, I’ll probably choose a pull toy—they seem to be the only ones that survive her enthusiasm. So yes, a dog’s birthday party tomorrow. What could be more special really?
Today I wrote just one email. I was trying to open a line of professional connection. It couldn’t afford any errors, so it had to be perfect. I find this entire process banal and frankly demeaning. It feels cringeworthy to put myself out there, hoping for some connection, when it only highlights just how much of an outsider I actually am. It’s like knocking on a door that was never meant to open for me.