What to say about 2015? I’m full of hope. Kinda like I was last year, but only this year I have more to hope for, I guess.
Here’s what didn’t happen in 2014:
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I didn’t get to plan my wedding in 2014. It was supposed to be in December, and though we had the chapel reserved and paid for a year in advance, by the time the end of January rolled around, it was not meant to be.
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I didn’t hit my goal weight. But I am getting closer.
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I didn’t write more. I do think writing it all out helps. Now I’m concerned about the prosebox going down. I guess I need to back all of that shit up. Good think I didn’t write much in 2014, eh?
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I didn’t improve my outlook. In fact, I guess my outlook has shifted. I don’t think I’ll ever get married, but I am going to hold out hope that there’s someone out there who wants to partner with me. I didn’t get to my goal weight, but I’m not giving up and I’m still going to work at it. I didn’t write more, but I know what’s good for me (like the way exercising helps keep my blues away, I think writing is a very good outlet for me and I know it does me good). Need to keep shifting.
Here’s what did happen on New Years Eve, 2014:
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I had a small party. So small that the only person who showed up was the Bulldog. And that was just fine with me. I’d invited some neighbors and 5 other friends, but everyone ended up doing their own things.
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The Bulldog made the most amazing seared tuna at my place. I’d made a bunch of appetizers and snacks and we ended up drinking a magnum of champagne (I believe I drank most of it) and snuggling in bed before midnight.
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My neighbors came knocking at my door at around 11:30, so I ended up putting on a nightie and walking next door to wish them a Happy New Year. I was pretty hammered.
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The Bulldog had to wake me at midnight to give me a New Years kiss. I was out of it.
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And on Jan 1, the Bulldog invited me to his place to eat tamales and Mexican corn – oh my god, yum. I ended up drinking yet another bottle of wine and falling asleep on the sofa. He must think I’m nothing but a big, fat lush.
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Bulldog and I had a serious talk this morning, but I was not in a good place. I got weirdly emotional and sad and had to get up to take the puppy for a walk. I don’t know, man. It’s fucking complicated.
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We like to have sex though.
So what am I going to do moving forward? What’s up for 2015? I know that there needs to be some change with me. And here’s what I’d like:
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Reach my goal weight. I don’t care, I’m putting this on here another year. It’s got to stick at some point.
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Make some movement with work. New title…new position, something. I also need to keep my ear to the ground regarding what’s out there. I feel like I’m missing out on something. Either that or to make a plan to start something new. The bulldog keeps telling me that I should be working for myself, and I’d LOVE to do that. It’s just that I’m making a decent salary right now and I’m doing something that I like for the most part. I just need to figure a few things out first.
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Mandarin lessons: this is not just a resolution; it’s one of my goals at work. Need to step it up and get on the lessons!
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More get-togethers. More socializing. Seriously, I want to do this. But I think it should be a little more strategic than my willy-nilly ways of my past. I want to move in the direction of things happening with art and fashion.
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Or even dog events!
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Improve my love life. I will need to get more specific in coming entries.
I’m having such a lazy day and I love it. It was super depressing at first, but I’m getting over it. It’s a gray day – raining most of the day. But I’ve been snacking, cleaning, walking the dog, washing the dog (!) and fucking around on the computer. It’s almost Friday night and I have nothing planned. Don’t even know if the Bulldog might want to do something, but I’m not holding my breath or anything. I do want to write more about him, especially because getting all complicated with him has helped me tremendously with my SP issues. Is that healthy? Not sure, but it helps.
OK. I’m going to go for now. I feel better having written.
I love you and miss you so much.
GS
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