Opening Night went well. It’s funny how I hadn’t even considered how people who weren’t familiar with the story would see this. That’s a me blind spot. To refer to a Dr. Who concept “Every Christmas is last Christmas”.... but that also means every Christmas is someone’s first Christmas. To me, it may be a Community Theater Version of A Massively Famous Work… but for some of the people who see this show, it is the first time they’ve ever experienced the story and the music. That’s always a massive motivator for me. Because it isn’t “We’re doing the best we can” and means “For somebody, this is what this piece is.” I guess since this show was a Johnny Depp movie, I forgot about that. I did my solos and… didn’t choke and fail too hard. Though right before going on stage, I completely blanked on the third line (luckily, it came back to me before I actually had to say it). And the first half went okay! Even got all of the words to all of the Act 1 Songs which… hasn’t been a given for rehearsals. Act 2 Starts… we’re doing God, That’s Good… Mrs. Lovett forgets a bit but covers okay. I get all the words out and we really play up the “Chris doesn’t get a pie” of the scene (and I can hear the audience on our side of the stage react, so I know someone’s clocking the silly improv concepts). Then we go to my death. I hit the bell perfectly for the music. Sit in the chair. And hold my breath a bit. Slitting my throat goes well enough, a little ripple in the audience but (we’re not using blood effects) a little hard to tell what is happening. Then Todd pulls the lever and my body drops. AUDIENCE WENT WILD! After I stood up and went to the green room, I was pumping my arms like I’d just hit a home run!! It’s… well, it may be a little silly but… I’m not in any way featured in this show. I am the second person on stage; I have a solo or two… but I’m not a named character, I’m not doing an extended solo piece, even my dancing is “one of many”. Hell, every photo release of the show (including photos from last night) don’t have me in a single photo. Not one! So… the unexpected “The audience went wild for a part of the show uniquely involving me”… and for that particular stunt to go off without a hitch… that was really good!
This morning? Well… all Tech Week it has been “get home around 10:30 or 11… play with the dog a bit to keep her stimulated, healthy, and connected. Then go to bed. Then wake up early for work to do another 17 hour day. So… even though there was shit that I wanted to do today? I made sure I could sleep in. Reach for an actual 8 hours or more.
When I got up it was… DAY ONE of new meds. I took my Anti-Depressant and gave myself my weekly Zepbound shot. No… noticeable impacts of either yet but that’s good news. If you are immediately feeling new drugs that are supposed to be “time release”- then that is a sign your body is NOT handling those drugs well! I will, of course, keep this space updated as to how things work in these regards.
I checked my e-mail quickly and… what a guy! So… Gary Kroeger, SNL Alum who directed my last show.... the dude who, compliment my face off, sent me the e-mail suggesting my professionalism was on par with Angela Lansbury! Sent me an e-mail congratulating me on Opening Night and wishing me well for the run of the show. He didn’t have to do that; I’ve never had a former director do that… that was pretty amazing and pretty special. So, of course, I thanked him for thinking of us. He responded to that one with “Proud to know you. You are one hell of an actor. I still gush when I think of your work in The Cottage. From day one.” Like… again- compliment my face off!!! This guy has worked with Eddie Murphy, Joe Piscapo, Julia Louise-Dreyfus, Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, Martin Short, Kevin Bacon, Michael McKean, Teri Hatcher, Angela Lansbury, Tom Bosley, John Spencer, Larry David, Cheryl Hines, Ted Danson, Catherine O’Hara..... like… I can barely take it!
The primary thing I wanted to make sure to address today was cleaning. My parents will be here on Friday night and I need this place to look at least like what it would when I am anticipating the Cleaners to arrive. NOW… true… unlike the last several months, I will have Monday Night, Tuesday Night, and Wednesday Night to address these issues… I want to get done now what I can in an effort to make sure I’m not still just… a rolling procrastination machine of failure. To this end, I at least started to pick things up? It certainly isn’t what I would call clean and it is nowhere near where it needs to be by Friday. But I did something I picked up as a hybrid from my Mom and my Dad. Dad wants everything exactly his way. Mom, who is living in that space as well, wants at least one or two areas HER way. This has always seemed like a more than reasonable compromise no matter how Dad pushed back. He would always say things like, “I give her a corner of the bedroom and it swells to half the bedroom in no time”.... which, of course, I’m thinking “Well… two people in one room, so half seems reasonable” but there we go. This, of course, is very similar to how things were with Nancy and I. She needed her space exactly her way and I was given my desk to have things elsewise. COMBINING ALL OF THAT life experience… I went through the whole house and tidied, trashed, or moved things to the kitchen. The kitchen, now, requires only four things.
(1) Take care of recycling/Redemption
(2) Do dishes
(3) Throw out Kitchen Trash Bag
(4) Chemical Clean surfaces
Now… the last one? As a proper host, I should really extend “Chemical Clean” to the bathroom as well. True, it was professionally cleaned at the beginning of the month but… 2 weeks is too much for guests.
However, as “life to this point” had taken me into 1:45… and my life after 4:00 was rather strictly scheduled… I wanted to quick try to grab the Huntrix McD’s Meal (before it disappears) and take Nala to the dog park. Yes, it is an overcast day of 46 degrees F (7.77C) but she deserves some dog park time as she’s had almost none this week! The McDonald’s wasn’t spectacular. I went full bore and even got the Derpy Shake or McFlurry or whatever it was. Honestly- that was the most unique thing of the meal and it wasn’t even a proper part of the meal! Nala enjoyed the hell out of the dog park. Like… as soon as she saw it, screaming howls and whines. We spent about an hour there until someone brought in their small dog and absolutely freaked out at Nala trying to smell her precious pooch. Said “No, no, no, no. He is too big for you. You shoo! SHOO!” To my dog… trying to smell her dog… at a dog park. VERY MCH a “If you can’t handle your dog being around other dogs- do not bring them to a dog park! And stop misgendering my dog!!”
We went home, I took a quick shower, dressed, grabbed my Pre-Show Ritual Meal, and ate it on the way to the theater. Got into the theater and was mic’d, makeup’d and dressed ten minutes before call time. For those who don’t know: Call Time is the time actors should be arriving at the theater by. They have from Call Time to Places to get everything taken care of. However, it has been my experience that (for most shows) Call Time is never set with a firm understanding of what actors need to do. Because Actors cannot be on stage 30 minutes before the show as that is when House Opens. Once House Opens, actors cannot be on stage unless performing as per the show. SO- since Call is typically 1 hour before show start? And you need to do things like Fight Call and Mic Check (fight call- run through all physical contact and potential dangerous scenarios; mic check- make sure your microphone works and levels are good) SO… take a show like this… with at least 15 actors and 7 fight calls? And you want people mic’d, made up, costumed and all in.... yeah. It’s best I get to the theater 30 minutes before Call Time to make sure everything I need to worry about is taken care of.
But… something is different tonight. I… am… inherently upset with our crew on this show if I’m being honest. 90% of our crew is High School kids who have a crush on the 16 year old that plays Antony. So… this show… a whole gaggle of teenagers! We don’t have teenagers IN the show (with 3 exceptions) but the crew is larger than most I’ve ever seen all of teenagers. And the vast majority of them spend almost the entire show lounging around the greenroom (which is located directly under the stage) talking at normal volume non-stop. THAT ALONE pisses me off to distraction! Enter into that… one of the Make Up people is a proper adult but… one of those who announces to everyone that they have autism so the rest of us need to be accepting of her social awkwardness. Frankly- I would have been more accepting of it if it was something that happened naturally and you explained during the interaction. Announcing it in as public a fashion as you did honestly just sounds like someone saying, “I intentionally will not regulate or modulate any part of myself for anyone else- fucking deal with it.” Which… sorry to people who this offends but… this is theater. If you are unwilling or unable to comport yourself appropriately for a theater experience? Announcing your disability doesn’t make it less disruptive. And… I’m… not entirely sure it is autism or just… an unwillingness to permit social growth. Because mostly what I saw? While I’m speaking in hushed tones with a fellow actor at a table… she plops down loudly and tries to engage us in conversation about something entirely different and unrelated to the show at normal speaking volume. MADAM, the show is going! If you are speaking at a level you would normally hold conversation- you are being too loud! Further, we are discussing an element of the show- interrupting us to ask us questions about what your husband guessed what you were doing tonight? Leave us be! So.... even going into tonight, I know I’m already a little biased against the crew and need to watch that. But… and remember 2nd night of a 7 performance run that has been doing tech week for the last 2 weeks… but tonight for the first time, someone new walks in and says she’s helping with “Something about an asylum in Act 2”. She’s loud. She hasn’t been to rehearsal. She never attended a Tech Run (we perform the show with zero tech a few times FOR an audience of Tech Crew so they can see how the show progresses. Then throughout tech week, we insert the tech crew so they can see what they need to do to make what they already saw WORK)… she never attended one of those. So… new person. Loud. Doesn’t have “soft voice” in her utility belt. And hasn’t seen the show. She looks familiar to me and I clock it instantly. I am currently prosecuting this woman. And in Court she never shuts up either. Constantly talking to everyone all the time. Sorry, I go back and forth between calling her “woman” and “girl” in my head. She is, as she said frequently tonight, 25 but looks (and acts) younger. Back to the Show though? The whole pre-show she’s asking me things like “When does X happen?” and “I was told I would most be needed for Y, do you know how much time I have until then?” And most of my answers are “literally an hour or more” because if you’re only needed for song 27 and Act 2 starts with song 19, that should answer those questions...... but you’ve never been to a rehearsal or seen the show so those words have no meaning for you! Which bothers me more than it probably should because… if you’re tech crew, why the FUCK is the second show of the run the first time we ever see you?!
Ultimately… I go up into the wings and assume my “places position” about 10 minutes early just to get away from Woman I’m Prosecuting and Loud Teenagers. This.... may have contributed to throwing me off my game. OR it was the new meds. Or it was that I was just being in my head too much. OR it was the “Welcome to Our Show” announcement that officially said, “And we will resume our Shakespeare program June 2027. Now please enjoy our production of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.” WAIT, WHAT?! Shakespeare is… next June? Not this June? So… I’m not missing it this year- they’re just not having it!! The ONE year I can’t do it and they aren’t even having it?! I don’t have to miss out?! That’s… oh my goodness! That’s so fantastic!!
As you can tell by my response in writing.... I was.... as previously alluded to in my head. The primary problem with that, as you may recall, is that I am supposed to be the second person on stage. In a musical. That opens with singing. And I am the second solo. So… this shit is specifically timed by pre-recorded music, the track can’t just “vamp” until I remember to go the fuck on stage!!! Luckily/Unluckily.... by the time my brain returns me to the theater and what I am supposed to be doing… Soloist 1 is finishing his phrase. I’m supposed to slowly stalk onto the stage looking menacing in the middle of his phrase! I am now a full FOUR MEASURES late just entering onto the fucking stage! Luckily, I have 4 measures after he stops singing before I am supposed to start singing. SO… instead of the slow, menacing walk; hesitating; and trying to hit my mark as I sing? I just fucking power walk looking pissed, hit my mark and start singing the MOMENT I get there! Because the show is what it is? Audience didn’t notice. NONE of the cast noticed. But later… our Music Director messed up a cue… it was okay, we survived, it was fine. So after the show, as he is mentioning his fuck up, I chime in with my own. And he starts laughing (honestly, my goal with mentioning it. Trust me as someone who knows… if you start focusing on your fuckups, it can impact future performances. Laugh, shake it off, do better next time.) but he starts laughing and acknowledging that he is the only other person in the theater that saw what was going on. And he laughed and described it exactly as I did. He said, “Yeah, I did notice it was a little strange. I was thinking ‘Isn’t Chris usually on stage by now’ and then I see you power walk to your place to hit your mark at the exact right time.” and he’s laughing. And that? That makes it worth it to me in a weird way. I fucked up. I did not fuck up in any way that impacted the show in any way. Instead of my nameless, supremely unimportant character starting the show with an unearned air of menace.... my nameless, supremely unimportant character started the show with an air of urgency. Either way? Consider what my character is in the play (sans characterization, strictly the scenes I’m in and actions I’m doing)
1- Opening: Menacing solo about fancy clients going to their grave impeccably shaved
2- Poor Thing: Snobby, masked party guest that is either complicit or participatory in the rape and torture of an innocent woman
3- My Friends Ballad Portion: Menacing song about how Sweeney has seen how civilized men behave, he never forgot and he never forgave
4- Pirelli: Snobby angry person who buys hair tonic then demands a refund, then is a “friend of the Beadle” getting a free shave.... except I’m Pirelli’s subject so I get fuck all
5- Epiphany: Snobby upset Londoner on the street complaining about my piss-poor shave and being encouraged to see Todd on Fleet Street (while Todd is singing about killing everyone he encounters)
6- God That’s Good: Snobby Londoner who is at a Pie Shop with (seemingly) all of London… he’s too dainty to eat a whole pie and asks for slices (they don’t do slices) and therefore, does not get a pie for the entire song no matter how he tries.
7- Johanna Act 2 Sequence: THE FIRST person to go to Sweeney Todd’s place of business for a proper shave only to be murdered and disposed of in the ovens to make pies.
SO… since I am playing every appearance as ONE character (because I get ONE costume).... you tell me whether Urgency is a bad character choice. SURE… menace is more fun. Honestly… because I’m that kind of actor I sometimes play the role with a certain secret subtext… and maybe people pick up on it but doubtful. BUT considering my costume for the show? And the character? SOMETIMES my subtext is… more demonic. A “corrupting” demon, as it were. Considering my solos? My voice is frequently the voice depicting “Todd vs. The Upper Crust”. My costume and makeup design delineate me as less dirty, less impoverished, less common. And, to Todd’s perspective, I am the first kill of someone that did him no direct harm. So… sometimes, I play it demonically. Other times? Well… I’m leaning in to my attraction to… gosh, what to call her? For a limited time, I will simply call her Ms J. I’m leaning into feeling attracted to her and appreciating her. I know nothing will ever or can ever come of it. For a hundred dozen reasons. But I’m leaning into it for the show. Sweeney Todd is, in all things, a show about love/infatuation/lust/longing corrupted. Turpin wants Lucy and does horrible and evil things because of it. Lovett wants Todd and, arguably, does horrible and evil things because of it. Turpin wants Johanna which is, in itself, a horrible and evil thing. Todd wants to avenge his wife and take his daughter and does horrible and evil things because of it. Hell, even Toby… who loves Mrs. Lovett in his way… does something that could be construed as horrible or evil because of that love. The entire show is about EVIL born of sexual or romantic or affectionate feelings. SO.... I figure… for my own performance? Lean in. But play it cool. The light flirting, the checking in when she looks worried or pained, watching with appreciation when she dances or does her amazing “Lunatic Dance”… enjoying her company without rules and restrictions on the interactions or the enjoyment. Again- I know it won’t go anywhere or mean anything. BUT… playing in that space in any way feels good… and being able to access that does help with my performance.
Anyway, we get to my murder and disposal and… true, less of a response tonight… but still loud applause! Which… I appreciate. AGAIN… I don’t do acting for my ego. I do acting for my mental health. I do acting because I absolutely love it. And you could hand me a script and say, “we’re going to work on this everyday for the rest of your life. We’re going to film every moment of rehearsal. There will never be a release of this. But in 100 years, the studio and the investors are legally required to distribute the film under the heading AN ACTOR’S WORK” and that would make me feel like I led a life well-lived. That’s how much I enjoy acting! But there is still… it’s nice if what I do matters to the show. Whether I’m a peon, a villain, or an extra… I like the idea of “If I wasn’t there; it would be a different experience” which- yes- is ego! I understand that. But… in modern musicals… audiences bloody well clap after every song. So, if the song is a solo featuring a named character… they get a rousing round of applause to say “WELL DONE!” I don’t need that. I’m an actor primarily which is inherently different from a Musical Theater Actor. An actor doesn’t need clapping seals after every flourish. An actor wants the audience to laugh when it’s funny, cry when it’s sad, feel anxiety when it’s uncertain, and be so enamored of the performance at the end of the show that the applause at curtain call lasts minutes instead of seconds. I don’t need applause IN the show. BUT… because I’m an actor in a Musical Theater performance… and I don’t actually get any laugh/cry/anxiety moments.............. being slaughtered and disposed of getting a reaction? That’s… that’s what I need from this show. If I may compare it to The Cottage.... there are some things you need from an audience to know they are locked in to the show. For me in The Cottage… before I ever went on stage.... the moment was there.
After about 10 minutes or so… after the two character on stage have already established that they are married to other people, are deeply enjoying the passionate sex they have with each other, and that the woman wants to change the nature of their relationship.... the man finally states that the woman he is sleeping with is his brother’s wife. The way the line is written is, “You don’t think Clarke will mind? That his wife is sleeping with his brother?!” If the audience had an audible reaction to that line? I knew we had them. THAT is what the Murder Chair is in this show for me. If the audience reacts to a human body going down the chute? We’ve got ‘em!
Except, of course, now I’m dead. Which means I’m in the green room until the finale. And the teenagers are loud as fuck! To the point where… they are distracted and don’t do their fucking crew job (which bollockses up sight lines for the finale) and almost created issues for the Lunatics Dance because the actors getting their Lunatic Make Up done were working around crew instead of crew bloody well helping them to put on the damned make up! Fucking teenagers. But the show goes well and ends.
FIRST NIGHT there are snacks and such to encourage patrons and board members to stick around and hobnob with the actors. SECOND NIGHT (and subsequent) there is a receiving line of actors milling about the hall to thank people for coming or talk to fans or get pictures taken with family and friends, etc. My approach to this is typically… go to the hallway… smile, shake hands politically, thank the complete strangers for coming… and every now and then maybe see someone I’ve been in a show with and thank them for coming. Especially as my own family and friends don’t come to my shows for the most part… the Post Show Hallway is one of the more political things I do… and I’m a Government Attorney with a position on a Political Board!
Except of course tonight.... remember that Crew member that I was referencing earlier? Woman I’m Prosecuting? She actually approaches me in the hall (good, since nobody is there to see me, it is as private as the conversation can get) and she tells me that I look super familiar to her but she can’t place it. I consider my favorite joke, “Well… I do a lot of theater and I’m a prosecuting attorney so be REALLY sure before asking in public” but… I don’t need to do that here. We’re not at risk of being overheard and I know where she knows me from! So I just say it point blank: “I felt the same way but I figured it out pretty quickly. I’m prosecuting you.” Literally what I said. Her jaw drops and you can see her mentally overlaying the image of me in front of her with the image of the suited chap in court before she says, “ROCKET DOCKET! Yeah! I remember you!”
Ultimately, I could just end this there. That’s the information as it matters. But I want to be complete in my writing so there are two last things to say.
(1) One of the big things I didn’t scratch off my list today was booking a therapy appointment. NOW, that isn’t too much of an issue. Whether I do it Saturday or Sunday is meaningless since the office isn’t open either days. Just… sharing it for accountability and completeness. Though, I will get that scheduled soon!
(2) I thanked the Executive Director of the theater about Shakespeare and she seemed… disingenuous in her responses to me. Obviously, there are a number of reasons for this. It is more likely that she is annoyed that they had to delay Shakespeare a year- I get that. It could be that she is upset that her romantic partner was asked to step down and that specific item may have been connected to moving Shakespeare.... so, I get how the move could be a sore spot or upsetting in a way she doesn’t want to discuss. But it’s me. Of course a part of me believes her response was because she doesn’t like me generally. And part of me believes her response was because she’s upset about Hermia and I. None of that is necessarily logical but… it’s where my head is at.
MATINEE for Sunday so I better get to sleep!!
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