Today was the day. Results day. I was hoping for a concrete answer to what has been plaguing me for DECADES. The rheumatologist tested for lupus, and it wasn’t that I wanted it to be lupus, I just very much wanted wanted an answer.
That was not what we got, unfortunately. No lupus. He ordered chemo drugs, steroids, folic acid. An MRI of my pelvis. My last rheumatologist only ever ordered x-rays and deemed me free from Ankylosing Spondylitis. He laughed when he looked at my medical record and and realized I never had an MRI.
I am not going to hold my breath. I am done having any expectation of a concrete diagnosis.
I cried a lot. Rick decided we would go to a nearby dive bar for a beer to decompress. One beer each became 2. Many cigarettes were had. We talked a lot, and Rick kept reassuring me that this is just a step toward feeling better. He tried to reassure me that he isn’t going anywhere. He told me everything he loves about me.
There is no clear path forward. YET. Hopefully one day things will calm, and I can feel better.
I have always hated the fibromyalgia umbrella. It feels like a catch all diagnosis when doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong with you. More than once, I have been told that they’ve “done all they can do”, or had “run every test they could”. After a while, you start to feel like they have written you off and cast you aside. Write the prescriptions. Give the cortisone shots. Write referrals and get passed down the line to ANOTHER doctor to worry about.
As for the x-rays, my both of my knees have “very severe” damage. Ya don’t say! If he had said mild or moderate damage, I probably would have lunged at him.
After the beers and the pep talk, we came home and I started making dinner. Chicken cacciatore. Lots of chopping, but once everything is braising in the pan, you let it go on low heat for an hour. I set timers for twenty minute intervals, so I could stir the pot, but it really did not need any extra attention. I made a salad with Romaine, cucumber, and I sliced up canned olives. I had discovered a Kraft sweet balsamic dressing at Dollar Tree yesterday, so I used that. The chicken and sauce was served on a bed of steamed white rice.
To say the chicken was tender would be an understatement. It was SO SOFT. I had been worried that the sauce wasn’t going to be balanced, like it was TOO savory, but it was great. I made an extra chicken leg quarter in the sauce so we could shred it and mix into the rice and sauce today.
Rick found a canned seltzer at Grocery Outlet called Daytrip that has CBD in it. For 1.89, it was worth a try. I drank one while I was prepping dinner, and I have to admit, it actually relaxed me! That’s a definite positive. We looked at ordering direct from the company, but even with a discount, they want 59 dollars per 12 pack. That’s well over double what the cost is at Grocery Outlet. We’re going to crunch the numbers and see if we have the money to stockpile a few.
We thought Rick might be deployed to Las Vegas this weekend, but the company doing the marketing for this movie decided to end this campaign. It was a good idea, but I don’t think it got the reaction Netflix was hoping for. I am a little disappointed, because deployments pay extremely well.
Yesterday, Rick had to go into the office to do the whole annual “prove you’re a US citizen” paperwork. He dropped me off at Dollar Tree and gave me his credit card so I could get toilet paper and a few other necessities. I thought I would have an hour to peruse, but about ten minutes in, my body was not cooperating. I needed to find a place to sit. I went to the register, and before I could even greet the cashier, or put my items on the belt, she sheepishly said, “Do you have bags?” “No, I don’t. I left them at home.” I replied. “Oh, I am so sorry. We don’t have ANY bags. Only Boxes.” She said it in a way that told me she was bracing for an angry reply. “It’s okay, I will take a box.” She let out a sigh and thanked me.
I asked if there was a place to sit in this shopping center, and she told me that there was a Starbucks two storefronts down with outdoor seating. Cool. I took my box, which thankfully was not heavy, and hobbled to the Starbucks. I texted Rick to tell him where I was, and saw a text from him saying he was almost done. I look up and he was standing there! He wanted to go to Grocery Outlet.
The accounting person gave him the remainder of his per diem to keep, so that meant that whatever was left of the 569 they gave him, that he didn’t use, will go into our account. Rick said we could get a few things in Grocery Outlet.
I was excited because every store is different, and they all carry different things. This particular store has a large focus on ethnic foods- leaning into Armenian, Indian, and Asian cuisines. I was only planning on grabbing Romaine, but we both started noticing the crazy good deals. I like playing a little game when I go to Grocery Outlet, which is, “Try to find awesome stuff priced at under 2 bucks.”
This trip, we hit the meat section HARD. They had a VERY large package of peppered salami ends and irregular pieces for 1.57. Roasted chicken sausage for .57, a whole Hormel charcuterie party platter for 3 bucks. Ground turkey breakfast sausage for 2 dollars a chub. I can go on and on. An absolute ton of food for less than fifty dollars.
I have a couple of packages that need to go to the post office today. And I am hoping to prep and cook some produce to save it from the trash can. Tons of Romaine to cut, turnip greens, potatoes, purple onions, Chinese eggplant, and TONS of celery. I am going to get creative. I am hoping to make a Mediterranean style macaroni salad, a devilled egg potato salad, pickled purple onion, and maybe a turnip green and chickpea sauté.
I think we’re going to see a play that one of Rick’s friends wrote and is directing. I have no idea what it is about, but getting out of the house will be nice. I hope my body cooperates.
Welp, I hope you all have a great weekend.
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