Dear God,
I almost got sucked into TikTok on my other phone. It’s so full of sadness, anger, violence, lost souls—just everything I don’t need to see. No wonder kids face depression at such an early age. I literally watched two videos: one about a girl ending her celibacy, and another with a girl crying while saying how angry she was. Earlier today, there was another girl pushing people to go back to smoking weed instead of “raw dogging” life. This is crazy. If this is a China-owned app, then why didn’t we learn the first time when we were sent COVID? This feels like a sickening virus in a whole other way—a deep spiritual disturbance to people.
I think about my desire to be a singer and actress, and if that path comes with social media, I don’t want that lifestyle. It seems like such a competitive race where you have to keep up every day just to stay relevant. Jesus, I just want to make money doing what I love—being in the studio, creating songs, and making films that change people’s lives in a positive way. I want to uplift people through lyrics. I want to encourage people through films. I don’t want to cause harm to anyone. Please let my life mean something more than what it does now. Please take me out of the situation I live in and uplift me in a truly miraculous way.
Today, the leading manager of my complex offered me a different unit in the building. I’m still negotiating with her to see which option is best for me. I told her I would need to see the unit, and that it cannot be smaller or more expensive. It absolutely needs to be toward the front, where the newer units are. I’m waiting for her response.
My body still aches, and I’m so grateful that I can afford another massage today. I need to get ready for it now. I have to be there in an hour, so I must prepare without rushing.
Also, I pray for Shervy. We had a deep conversation. He said I don’t even know him—that we are just friends. I asked him if he wanted to go back to being just friends, and he didn’t say anything. I told him I felt forced into being his girlfriend when he said he would leave my life completely. Then he rushed off the phone to go to work.
It felt like he blurted out everything he was feeling in ten minutes—that he wanted to hold and kiss me, lay in bed with me, and cuddle on the couch—all the things I don’t want to do. I told him my past prevents me from being close to anyone. I told him it’s not just him—I can’t get close to anyone. I simply don’t want to. He said he didn’t know what he could do.
Then he told me again that I don’t even know him—that he’s funny and sarcastic with others, but not with me. I asked him if suppressing his fun side helps him get closer to me. He kept repeating that I don’t know him. I told him I have boundaries and don’t like discussing crypto or his intimate feelings about me. I asked what else he wanted to talk about, but those were the only things he wanted to discuss. I didn’t know what to say, so I just listened.
I’m not willing to sacrifice my mental health if I don’t want to talk about those things. I didn’t tell him that, but my therapist says I’m allowed to have my boundaries.
Father God, please help me with Shervy. Help me make the right decisions about where to live. Let this massage finally bring healing to my body. And help me get on track with the things I need to accomplish.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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