Heading for the ENT now. Not quite as tired, but bad enough. Every night, there’s a long break in my sleep due to either stress or breathing issues, and it’s slowly but surely killing me, especially when I can’t take anything to help get me back to sleep. If I don’t like what I’m told today, or it doesn’t help, or I’ve got many months before I can get help, I have to go. I don’t want it to be like that. I don’t want to die. But this is no way to live either. With my quality of life so severely reduced, it would only be a matter of time before I died anyway. So why not get it over quickly, rather than prolong my suffering, which will only get worse?
We’ve been unable to get a good seal on the hybrid mask, so I’m still with the nasal mask but having to sleep elevated. I’d kill for some of my old problems back! If I have to have problems, why can’t they be outside of my body?
I’ve also had nightmares. Some were full of death, dying, and being trapped. I wonder if these are warnings.
In another nightmare, I was chased by a bear. I stepped out of a cabin by a lake we were either living in or staying in and glanced at a treeline nearby. Then I glanced at the lake, spotted a bear just as it spotted me, and it began swimming at breakneck speed across the lake toward me. I had just run inside and slammed the door shut right as it was coming up behind me.
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