Ivanhoeeeeee! in 2014: The Year That Was

Scootching my ass into the hotel groove I sit down with beer and steak ready to enjoy a movie.
‘Monsour…’
- One day I may very well pay more attention to the language of the download.
Though that day doesn’t appear tonight. In the end I ‘settled’ for Scrooged, possibly my favourite Christmassy film, maybe Die Hard runs neck and neck to the line?

I’ve discovered a new talent I never knew I had! The ability to go into a shop, try on some jeans
- Something I never, ever do!
And still find on arriving ‘home’ that I’ve picked up the wrong size! Twice, for both pairs.
But hey-ho! 3 packs of cigarettes a week isn’t enough to stop me sprinting all the way back before they close (downhill granted) in world-record shattering time. Turns out all I’m not that slow, I just need the right motivation! My ass now sits snugly in some new pairs of distressed jeans whilst my ankles belt out, ‘Praise the lawd’ Now that they’re safe from chilly gusts of December winds! I also picked up new socks which isn’t really that note-worthy, and a new top, which still isn’t really that noteworthy though note it I shall.

And! Despite the loathing it shall no doubt inspire, a Real Madrid top! Though even that took 2 attempts as the first one I brought turned out to be the wrong ‘un. But damn this Spanish people are great! I took it back and explained I wanted the ‘real-deal’ (the more expensive one with the Adidas strips), I apologised for my mistake, he apologised for my mistake, then knocked some money of the one I exchanged it for. Put into context, Vodafone mis-sold me 3 months of unlimited data as I can’t use it abroad and the asshole on the other end of the phone couldn’t understand how this was an inconvenience to me? I really wish I could have put this into a real-life context for the git, perhaps with my foot and his nuts?

There, there. It’s only as bad as I make it because in all-truth there really is a complete lack of explosions and dynamite charges dia-to-dia. I drink wine whilst I cook but I sit in the cubby-hole kitchen whilst the meat frazzles. Rather short on baked goodness I’ve not even had a sniff of any Class As. Not entirely through lack of trying mind. Perhaps that comes later? Obviously it was far more important to learn the Espanyol for beer and coffee first? Having expanded that to pork sandwich has improved my one-pack tremendously!

I’ve been in this hotel apartment for a little under 2 months now. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to hear I’ve now broken something, the toilet in this case! But my lucks in even when it’s out running errands – It’s stuck in a permanent flush. It could have been so much worse.

Everything’s really rather very good just now, finely balanced, but bien. Even the traffic lights are bowing down on the Mondays and lining my way with the verde little man getting his flash on. Talking of flashes, I’m still short a real camera. I’m making do with the mobi shots and refusing to look too hard at the imperfections. Everyone wears a filtered mask. Having given up on Santa I might have to dress up as the jolly grand man dropping my own presents down the chimney (or in this case through the letter box).

All things being good with the latest news report due the end of this week, my brilliantly loveable Queso will be arriving in Madrid around the 17th. Still missing him terribly so I’m beyond excited for this – Of course keeping myself in check firstly for the afore mentioned bulletin.

And that’s really it I’m going to listen to the live version of The Roots, Atonement on YouTube for the 1000th time whilst gauging my elasticated belly on the chocolates that have so far survived. Oh, oh, I’ve yet to lose take-2 of my Note 4! Alas, the same cannot be said for my Metro card which I can only assumed leaped out of my pocket the other day when I was distracted by sinorita’s!

I really want to post my old-style entries with all the pretty bells and whistles but then I also want to save my sanity (and possibly my eyebrows - Being the only hair on me).

Last updated December 28, 2014