I’ll consider this good news, though that may change as the day rapidly approaches.
The Sweeney Todd Cast is singing the National Anthem for a Roller Derby exhibition on Saturday. During the half-time show, we’ll sing our Prologue Ballad of Sweeney Todd. Which means… I have less time to get comfortable doing my solo! I’ll ask tonight but I’m… hoping we’re not going to try to do choreography at the Roller Derby Half-Time Show. I can appreciate why that might be the perfect place to do it.... it’s a good spot to inspire people to come see the show. And so doing the first number of the entire piece in its entirety makes sense. The problem enters when you realize, we’ve only ever done the choreography for that piece once and it was the day it was taught to us! So.... I mean.... we could give it a shot… but I wouldn’t exactly call it “representative of what you’ll see at the show”! So… I’ll write more about that as it approaches, I’m sure.
In similar news, all day at work my throat has hurt! I didn’t hydrate well the last week year so that could certainly be something. Also the temperature is going 30 70 30 with record high for today and snow in the forecast so… my body freaking out from that wouldn’t be a terrible surprise. It’s just… I’m obviously concerned. This wouldn’t be a fatal week to get ill but the closer we get to April, the worse being sick is going to be. So, I’m pushing water and sore throat tea and will likely wear a face mask to rehearsal tonight. SERIOUSLY hoping I’m not coming down with something.
Y’know how random music pops into people’s heads? Well, I assume that’s a normal thing. I’ve been reading my Superman book a bit and usually have orchestral music playing. Nothing with lyrics to distract. But today, a specific song has been stuck in my head. At least, just the first line. I remember kind of a soft rock feel and the words “SOMEBODY SAVE ME”.... and I remember it being in front of a TV show (so likely a TV theme). I looked it up. It was the theme song to Smallville… a show, I must confess, I did not watch much of. Don’t get me wrong, I’m familiar with it. I think all told, I may have watched 4 episodes total. So.... weird that such a song would pop into my head. THAT SAID.... listening to “Save Me (Smallville Theme)” reminded me of Hellsing’s original Anime Ending. I submit both for your comparison.
I tried re-engaging with BetterHelp or Therapy. The truth is between the work and the dating apps and the world at large and how excessively online everything has gone.... a repeating avalanche of HATEFUL LANGUAGE and silent rejection rather triggers some bad mental pathways that get me in my head thinking terrible things about myself. I’m already battling my own self-hate issues alongside the things that Nancy enhanced or created. The repeating avalanche of HATEFUL LANGUAGE and silent rejection just.... if I am going to come out of this thing… even for “Hey, look at how much of the house managed to get done!” or anything… I need help. Of course… 30 hours and not a peep from the bloody app. We’ll see “how fast” or if they can assign someone to me. Frankly, between the world and my social life issues I’ve not even had the fortitude to film TikToks and… there are two I want to/should post based on the current Iowa Politics Machine.
Between work and rehearsal… I was feeling more sick. So, I made some theraflu tea and threw on a facemask for rehearsal. Rehearsal involved singing, solos (which fuck am I terrible on my solos… fuck!) and dancing. Combining all of that? I left feeling worse than I did when I got there! So… go home… apologize to the dog who wants to play and then I crash on the bed… feeling oogy… but not sleepy tired… just… I need to lay here tired.
Of course, that means the phone becomes my entertainment. And… DoomScrolling as ever doesn’t help. But I get to see lots of different examples of people. And in the present time, we’re seeing all sorts of ways that people express stress or depression or anxiety… in other words, now is a great time to investigate “Crash Out Culture” and variations of same. Which, of course, massively doesn’t help! EXAMPLES:
POST ONE: “If you’re a man and you’re upset that women seem to hate you for being a man- fucking deal with it! EVERY woman I know has a sexual assault story. EVERY woman I know has a domestic assault story. EVERY woman I know has a story about a man who followed her or stalked her or made her uncomfortable. And NONE of the women I know have a story about how their attacker went to prison. NOT A SINGLE ONE. So, as we’re seeing these same patterns play out via the Epstein Files and powerful and wealthy people again saying AND KNOWING that nothing is going to happen to these horrible men? That’s rather triggering for ALL WOMEN. So, if you’re a man and you’re upset that women seem to hate you for being a man- fucking deal with it! You should be apologizing to us for what we’ve had to go through not trying to sell us on you being ‘one of the good ones!”
POST TWO: “Anyone else grow up thinking that the unprecedented things in our future would be universal healthcare, an end to world hunger, flying cars, and a safer and cleaner world for all people? Considering what the unprecedented things of our future actually have been… I’m pissed. And tired. And deeply disappointed. And that is probably what separates the masses right now. There are those who feel like the future was leaving them behind so they voted for destructive forces. Maybe some said, ‘This will create a better future for me’ but many seem to have said, ‘If the future leaves me behind, we need to destroy that future.’ And we know that they aren’t actually happier or safer or living better with their victories. They are just happier because it seems like everyone around them is now suffering with them. Very much a perspective of ‘if I suffer everyone must suffer’ entirely ignoring how strong the ‘if I prosper nobody else should prosper’ has been in this country that created the problems we’re actually facing!”
POST THREE: “Remember- if they act welcoming and warm, they are probably performatively religious and will destroy you the moment you show that you are an ‘Other.’ Remember- if your partner remembers everything about you; that means that they are a manipulator and will try to control you. Remember- if they work minimum wage it is because they are lazy and have no aspirations or dreams. Remember- if your man doesn’t pay for dinner, it is because he wants you to be his mommy not his baby. Remember- if he complains about you looking good, it is because he doesn’t want you to know you have options. Remember- a good man would lose his arm for you and apologize for the blood stain!”
POST FOUR: “For anyone confused as to how women got to where we’re just fucking done with all of you- my friend took on all of the chores in her household when she got married. It wasn’t discussed, it wasn’t ordered; she just realized that she had sort of gravitated into that role. It upset her a little, but since her husband worked longer hours, she never made a fuss over it. Then she got sick. Not ‘slight fever’ sick; the kind of sick that requires bedrest for weeks at a time. At first, she saw the house chores start piling up. Things weren’t getting taken care of as quickly. Her husband was working and taking care of her; but the house wasn’t as clean, the laundry went longer between washes. the dishes stacked up more before going into the dishwasher. It was like her husband didn’t care as much or try as hard as she had when she was doing everything. Finally, she brought it up to him. She wanted him to take care of the house to her standards. Things needed to go back to the way she had managed them. Do you know what her husband said?! He told her that if she wanted things to her standard, she was welcome to do it herself!! SHE’S SICK and he says that to her?! I’m sorry that your wife isn’t in a condition to MOTHER YOU; you lazy ass! She said she wasn’t sure how to feel about it, and I told her to leave him! If he isn’t going to love you with everything when you’re sick, then he isn’t worth sticking around for!”
POST FIVE: “Has everyone seen how widespread this bullshit is? I mean I seen this on six different profiles!” (and it is a video of people dancing with the words “US starts War in Middle East… so The Rapture is Nigh!”
POST SIX: “I appreciate that everybody be out here trying to date. But if that’s true… if everyone out here be trying to date… I need a man… a man that can form ACTUAL SENTENCES… to tell me why y’all stopped approaching women?! I mean- everywhere I seen this. I was out shopping with one of my finest friends, she spotted a guy she liked and nothing. Hell, we went to the bar the other night and… what happened to y’all?! Time was a woman could go to a bar with nothing but a halter top and her I.D. and she’d have a helluva night with guys buying her drinks and all that. I spent $53 on just myself! Not a single guy offered to buy me or my friends shit! So, honestly… tell me… why aren’t there any real men left in this world?!”
POST SEVEN: “The male loneliness epidemic is a bunch of weird, unfuckable men who are determined to make their lack of fuckability a public health issue instead of growing as people! I will never understand why you don’t all feel pathetic af and kill yourselves!”
POST EIGHT: “When a man comes into my comment section to tell me that he doesn’t respect me because I’m into CNC, I love responding. Because… I obviously don’t respect you or your bullshit vibes. I don’t know if you’re vanilla as fuck and hate any woman into anything spicy or if you’re rapey as fuck and hate any kind of consensual experience- but get fucked!
POST NINE: (a traditionally sexually attractive woman puts on glasses and picks up a book. Lord of the Rings score begins to play.) Text on Screen: Are there any men that just want a young elf maiden who enjoys reading, spicy content, and nerdy fun?
POST TEN: If you feel like your relationship is struggling right now, you need to see this! All over the country relationships are falling apart due to a lack of communication, a constant undercurrent of stress, and people who are just incapable of regulating their emotions. If that sounds familiar to your relationships, you need to click on the link in my bio and take this short 38 question survey that can help you save your relationship and bring back some peace of mind!
Yeah… I… fucking hate the modern world. I guess I really vibe with Post Two. Because if I knew that the Matrix was actually correct and the pinnacle of modern society was 1999? I would have sloughed off the oppressive purity culture hyper-Evangelical bullshit and maybe would have tried to enjoy the few years in my life before the world, the country, and society writ-large nose dived into absolute fucktastrophe.
UPDATE:
Even when I’m not on TikTok or Snapchat- fuck. A friend of mine put up on their social media a whole screed about FUCK MEN because if MEN aren’t risking their lives to stop things like Gang Rape in Bolivia or that piece of shit in France or Epstein’s Island, then YES FUCK MEN because they aren’t worth respecting if they aren’t willing to die to protect these women!
And… I did feel upset by this. I wrote a whole god damned paragraph in response and just.... fucking deleted it. Because what’s the fucking point?!?! This isn’t about logic or discussion. This is about division and anger.
It doesn’t help to point out that in our current systems, those with power have built the systems that they use to oppress and victimize. We’re not that far away from when the Aristocracy could literally rape and murder in the streets as they pleased because nobody would punish someone with a Title. THAT SHIT WAS HAPPENING IN THE US AND CONTINUES TO THIS DAY despite people literally fighting against it, risking their lives and their livelihoods to do so! But pointing that out doesn’t fucking matter. It’s just more “Oh, fuck you for thinking your opinion as a man even counts for anything!!” But tell me… honestly… take a 35 year old man that runs smack into this philosophy..... he’s never been invited to a rape party because rapists knew he’d intervene (because that’s how shit happens. rapists don’t invite non-rapists to rape parties!).... this guy has actually counseled rape victims after terrible things and frequently shouts down the parties (thus why he doesn’t get invited, thus is not in a position to ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY STOP THEM). But he tries everything he can… while respecting women enough to not force them to go to the cops if they resists that pathway but always offering to drive them to the hospital or the police or therapy or help in anyway. He wasn’t invited to Epstein Island because he’s 35 and not worth billions. He can’t just hop on a plane and fly to South America to personally wage war on “the rapists of Venezuela and Nicaragua and Brazil and Bolivia and Peru”. He cuts off friends that make sexist jokes and inappropriately aggressive passes at women. But he runs into THIS?! This loud, full throated, barrel chested “FUCK MEN BECAUSE MEN AREN’T DYING TO STOP RAPISTS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD” philosophy?! HONESTLY TELL ME WHAT IS THE POINT of this shit other than to simply reinforce “If you’re an ally, fuck you and feel bad! If you’re not an ally, nothing we say matters to you anyway! So… essentially… our whole social media campaign is to tell men trying to be allies that they suck, and fuck them if they aren’t doing as much as we say they should be doing to prove they are allies!!” GENUINELY it is like.... what is the fucking point?! The men in your lives who care and who listen and who are trying? Are the only ones that are going to be affected by “FUCK MEN” rhetoric in any way OTHER than spinning it for redpill content. BECAUSE TRUST ME that shit may get posted on proud feminist pages… but with zero edits it will find its way to RedPill and TradWife spaces as absolute evidence that there is nothing any man can do in anyway… there is NO level of allyship or support that any man can provide… that will make him anything other than despised and hated in those spaces. RedPill Content Creators feed on shit like that to PROVE to men that if they are in ANY WAY persuadable to be RedPill and Anti-Feminism? The “FUCK MEN if you can’t personally stop Harvey Weinstein on your own” content becomes recruitment material for those Alt-Right bastards. Because you’re just telling people the same shit RedPill Content is telling people but not acknowledging the sinister part.
The “FUCK ALL MEN” philosophy feeds directly into the “And this is why women shouldn’t have the right to vote!” bullshit. If we can’t see one another as people, we only feed into patterns of radicalization that eventually end in mutually assured destruction.
BUT.... since I’m a man.... and clearly a piece of shit according to just about every sector of online culture for every reason possible..... because, of course, I’m a fascist to ACAB but I’m anti-fascist so I’m a Domestic Terrorist to the government; but I work for the government so I’m a “moderate shill” but I believe in progressive politics so I’m a “libtard” to the right but I believe that it isn’t per se evil to have Christian ideals so I’m back to being a fascist to the left… all while actively fighting for feminist politics so I’m a cuck to RedPill folks but I am a cis-man so I’m just fucking evil to Online Feminists.... meanwhile, I am constantly fighting my government over LGBTQIA rights so I’m an F-slur to a terrible majority of my state; but I want to get married and have kids so (and people here have said this to me) I am “too conservative” to be considered progressive on relationship or sexual politics........ WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE CONSTANT DIVISION AND HATE?! And how can ANYONE who wants to fight the real evil in this world think “But the only way to do that is to eradicate anyone who doesn’t think like me?!” I’m not ignoring the paradox of tolerance… in fact, the Contract Perspective on the Paradox of Tolerance quite nicely resolves that paradox but… the internet has fucking murdered nuance and tact and multi-layered issues!
Here’s how shitty I will allow myself to get:
I despise every single person that says women should lose the right to vote. I think that is vile, evil, and disgusting. BUT THE HISTORICAL TRUTH IS without men agreeing and supporting the suffragettes? Women would not have the right to vote. In order to get what they should have had from the beginning.... suffragettes needed men to agree with them, put forth the proposed law changes, and fight for them on the Senate Floor all the way up to, including, and through the Supreme Court and the steps it takes to get a Constitutional Amendment passed. And I can promise you… the suffragettes didn’t win the right to vote by saying “FUCK ALL MEN FOR ALL TIME ON ALL THINGS”.
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