I was invite over to N’s family’s house for Christmas. I gladly accepted. After Thanksgiving, I was relieved to know they like me and wanted me to come back. N started to get weird. He kept asking me about my holiday plans after I already accepted his Mom’s invitation. He didn’t say it, but I’m not stupid. He didn’t want me there. He has his kids for the week. I wouldn’t have found it unreasonable if he told me it was too soon to meet his kids. I think it is the responsible thing to do. Kids who come from broken homes need as much stability as possible. Flocks of significant others coming in and out is unhealthy. If he would have come right out and said it rather than beating around the bush and then peddle back when he thought he was being a douche bag, I wouldn’t have been so upset. I’m not anymore. We are still new. I Can’t expect him to predict how I will react to things. I told him I changed my mind and I wanted to spend the day with my family. That was kind of a lie. Actually, it was a total lie. I didn’t want to spend the day with them. I feel so awkward and uncomfortable. Their behavior always says they are too. I’m not sure if it is in my head or not. I always feel like the elephant in the room. I wasn’t up to it this year. So when my Mom invited me I said I was spending today with N and his family.
I was sort of depressed about spending today at home alone this year, until I realized this was my first quiet day off in over a month. Just me and fuzzbutt. It has been really nice. Neighbors have been quiet, cleaned my apartment (just a little, enough to make me not guilty about being lazy), stuffed my face, started watching a new anime Love, Chunibyo and Other Delusions and in a little bit I’m gonna take a nap.
Originally I wasn’t going to write this. I didn’t want anyone to feel bad. Still don’t. I got a whole day to sit around like a toad and think. Lately, my only time to stop and think is while folding pizza boxes during dead time, it isn’t the same. Too many distractions and I have to keep an ear out for coworkers and customers at all times. Today it was blissful. Only thing that could have made this day better is if I had another bag of chocolate covered potato chips drool sweet and salty magic.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. Blessed Be.
Loading comments...