handy man in 2014

[This technically wasn’t finished. I meant to add more to it at a later time, but now it’s been too long to come up with anything. Oh well…]

So we were just sitting there watching a movie. It was a commercial and I started talking about all these projects I wanted to do. [I’ve been feeling this intense need to be creative lately] I mentioned how I needed to meet a carpenter and a mechanic. As a joke, you know, because those are the kinds of people that come most in handy.

My crazy mother goes, “but you already had one. I don’t know why you let him go or what happened.” I chimed in all excitedly wondering who this mysterious guy was and when I let him go. She responded that she was talking about CK. [hah! I’m sure she’s fishing for information but she keeps bringing him up. Like she thinks something was seriously happening between us]

I told her that we weren’t really talking that much. She thinks we were. There have always been periods of silence though. There wasn’t that much talking going on overall, just the occasional spurts of conversation. And hanging out a couple of times but only because I haven’t made a friend in 3 f-ing years and I thought it would be nice to hang out and have a beer. When I also told her that no one said we weren’t friends anymore, she asked me why he didn’t talk to me the other day when he was over here [I’m wondering the same thing lady!]. I don’t know why he was acting weird but that doesn’t mean that much.

It’s crazy that she keeps bringing him up like this. I think she really does believe that there were serious feeling-type things going on between us. Like we were secretly starting a relationship or something. And she also thinks that something went really wrong. Like I crushed his heart or he crushed mine. It doesn’t even make sense that she’s all into this all of a sudden. She barely even liked him and she stopped making jokes about him being her “son-in-law” a long time ago. I don’t even understand why that night caused her to start imagining all these things that haven’t happened between us. It’s weird all around. And I can’t find a way to move on from this. Some kind of closure is probably what I need, but I don’t think I’ll get that.

A part of me wants this to be like all the other times. Suddenly he’ll come waltzing back into my life and we’ll pick up the friendship again. I’d be holding onto that idea if it didn’t feel so different [and if my own mother would stop acting like we broke up, or whatever]. I can’t go running back to him though. My pride is at the top of my list of flaws and there’s just this thing inside of me that wants him to make some type of gesture. You know if he did I’d probably never be able to stop rambling on about him, but that might be ok. If he ever did…

I need distractions. Someone find me distractions!

rose.
11:07pm

Last updated December 23, 2014