Dear God,
I’ve decided I want to write a K-pop–style song about taking flights. It will be an inspirational anthem about riding VIP with me, and I’ll be the captain. It will be about success, leadership, and believing in yourself — trusting that you are capable of soaring higher than you ever imagined.
The second song I want to write will be called What Keeps You Up at Night (maybe the album title instead…who knows). It will have a Man in the Mirror feel — reflective and honest. It will tell the story of a woman who stays up all night. At first, the lyrics will reveal self-hatred, jealousy, and envy. But by the bridge, the truth will unfold: she’s kept awake because she longs to be loved. The ending will offer wisdom — that real love starts within. It will be about choosing self-care over temporary fixes and refusing to indulge in things that only numb the pain.
The third and final song, I will dedicate to You. It will be about false confidence — about appearing strong while quietly being broken down by life. It will be about coming back to You for strength, relying on You through adversity, and rediscovering true confidence again.
Three songs. I don’t know how or when I’ll write them, but I will. Maybe when I get home. Maybe before. But definitely soon after my exams, I’ll begin working on them.
Earlier, I prayed to You and chose not to post it. I erased it because I realized I was focusing too much on taking the “high road,” even when it was to my own detriment.
I see now that I sometimes let things fester in my mind instead of addressing them immediately. I do choose my battles. When Iroc said I don’t have a hit record, I wanted to snap back. I wanted to say, “I just never had the proper advertising.” But instead, I held my tongue. I wanted to show him that I’m not hot-headed. Later, when he tried to charge me money just to introduce me to people, I calmly emailed him and asked him to put in writing what the extra $300 was for. He never brought it up again.
That taught me something: you don’t have to explode to be powerful. You can be firm and strategic.
When my roommate made that shady comment (taking about me in front a group of girls-one of them being the main hater)— “not her leaving for class and making us look bad for being behind…” — I should have said, calmly and directly, “That didn’t sit right with me. It feels unnecessary.” And I should have looked her in the eyes while saying it.
I don’t need to stop being kind. I need to stop being silent when something crosses a boundary.
I try to “let go and let God.” And yes, You prepare a table before our enemies. But You also didn’t create weaklings. Jesus was gentle, but He was not passive. David faced Goliath. Strength and faith are not opposites.
We live in times where we don’t need to prove ourselves — but we do need to assert ourselves. We need to address things in the moment, not stew over them later.
So I will start now.
I won’t respond to strangers on the internet who speak about me. If they can’t say it to my face, it doesn’t deserve my energy. But the people in my real life — if they cross a line — I will respond calmly and intelligently.
I won’t be defensive. I’ll be wise.
And honestly, I don’t regret how I handled things here. There were only a few people who disliked me — and one who followed their lead. But many others thought for themselves. I ended up supported by the majority. And even if I hadn’t been, at least I didn’t seek revenge or allow their negativity to steal my joy.
I can’t be fake. I won’t laugh with someone I secretly despise. But I can learn from difficult people. Even those who operate from ego or manipulation teach valuable lessons about boundaries.
With Iroc, I won’t be fake — but I will be clear. I will assert boundaries the first time something feels off. I will explain why it doesn’t sit right with me. Right now, he doesn’t fully know me. So I can choose who I am from this point forward. I don’t have to carry any “weak” version of myself into new interactions.
I can reinvent myself now.
Whether he is a stepping stone or someone meant to stay long-term, I will discern that with Your help.
It’s 2:15 a.m. I’m adjusting my wake-up time to 8:15 a.m., studying until 8:40, getting ready, and being downstairs by 9:15. I need proper sleep. Clear mind. Sharp focus.
Help me make the right decisions that lead to a perfect score on this exam. I want to go out with excellence. Imagine me earning that perfect score — how amazing would that be?
I pray for Your comfort and peace. Thank You for protecting me today. Thank You for guiding my choices. I choose discipline. I choose clarity. I choose to walk away from things that don’t serve me.
Continue to protect me. Continue to strengthen me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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