Last Christmas in Just Moments

~So last year at this time, by then best friend was getting married. Well we weren’t even friends at this time, but we were for quite a few years. About a couple months before her wedding we “broke up” per se and my life has never been the same. I never realized how much she was dragging me down and how little she actually wanted me to be happy. Around this time I started hanging out with another crowd, one that actually appreciated me. She never like them when I would talk about them. She just hated that I was having fun and she was left at home to support her soon to be husband and her daughter. She always resented me because I didn’t have the commitments that she did and i wasn’t really tied down to anything. That really bothered her. Cuz i could do what i wanted and when i wanted to do it. She got pregnant when she was 19 and has given up the life she wanted for her daughter. Yes that is a lot of sacrifice but then again she also resents her daughter for doing that to her. So in the end it was a very bad friendship, but now looking back a year later… I sometimes miss it.

~Which makes no sense at all. We lead completely different lives. I’m in the business world and she’s a dairy farmer. You can’t exactly get much more opposite. She wants a ton of kids I don’t want any. She cheated on her husband, I had never slept with a guy, so we differed on many different subjects. But for some reason our friendship always worked out so how. And now looking back i know why. It was because i wanted it to. Every time she got mad at me for something, even things i didn’t do, i was always the one to resolve it. Well the last time, i didn’t try and our friendship ended.

~I used to miss her all the time, now i don’t really anymore, but sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if we would have stayed friends. I don’t think i would have found the group of friends i have now as easily, and who knows maybe should would have disapproved of my boyfriend so much that we wouldn’t be together (in the past if there was a guy i liked and told her about she would always come up with some reason why we wouldn’t work out and why he wasn’t right for me etc… only i knew why she did that, she wasn’t happy in the relationship she was in and she didn’t want me to be happy when she wasn’t).

~So in the end i know that our friendship ended for the best, but i also lost a part of me along the way, the part that was able to confine in other females and have that companionship. Sure i have other friends that are girls and a sister that i’m close with, but i sometimes have a hard time talking to them. Guys on the other hand I don’t really struggle too much with, so maybe i’m just weird or maybe i was meant to be this way.

~On a different note, I hope that everyone has a wonderful Christmas! I can’t wait for it. Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and it helps that we get two paid days off at work too! I need the break from the constant flow of work and employee issues!!

~<3