Dear God,
This weekend was challenging. I kept noticing the different personalities around my roommate, and it felt like she was aligning herself with the few girls who dislike me. Friday night, she went out with the three girls who talk about me, and at 2 a.m. they came charging into my room and woke me up. The next morning, she invited one of those same girls into our hotel room—so she was the first person I saw when I woke up from a nap. The following day, when her parents arrived, I saw her with another girl who speaks about me behind my back. Later that evening, she invited one of the same girls from Friday back into our room again.
The same three girls. Over and over. The same three who talk about me behind my back are the same three Alex chooses to spend time with.
I had to call my parents just to remind myself not to care. I had to pray even harder when Jim told me about yet another comment they made about me. I even listened to Joel Osteen on YouTube, who said we are where our mind takes us. So I tried to practice positive thoughts—even when my feelings were fighting against them.
When I spoke to my dad, he reminded me to love my enemies. I told him, “Papa, I’m not fake. How can I act like I like someone when I don’t? How can I act like nothing is wrong?”
He said I didn’t have to pretend nothing was wrong, and I didn’t have to be overly nice—I just needed to be cordial. That word stuck with me. Cordial. I can try that. Still, something doesn’t sit right. And honestly, I’m more upset that I care so much.
So what if they think poorly of me? I’ve never done anything to them. Maybe I’ll keep a little distance—but not from a place of bitterness. Maybe just from a place of peace. I think the real answer is to focus on my work and not let this take up more space in my mind than it deserves.
I feel like I sound like a high school girl. It’s just hard because I once liked them and hoped we could be lifelong friends. Maybe my lifelong friends are somewhere else. In the meantime, I’ll focus on becoming who I’m meant to be.
I fell asleep writing this and now it’s morning. I actually wet the bed. Crazy, I know. The last thing I remember reading while studying was: “Courage is acting like you’re brave when you don’t feel brave.” I wrote that down during a seminar in Las Vegas that I accidentally fell asleep in.
I don’t remember my dream—but I remember the feeling of my clothes being soaked. I jumped up, changed everything, and went back to bed. I was exhausted, but I’m grateful I still got six hours of sleep.
Today we have a presentation. In my group is one of the girls who talks about me. She created the entire structure for our project and interestingly placed me as the first speaker.
We’re presenting on an aircraft fire and what was learned from that tragedy.
And you know what I learned this weekend?
No matter what happens, focus on your happiness. Be good to others. Love them anyway. But focus on your happiness.
Yes, I felt hurt all weekend. But at the end of the day, my roommate still fed me first and shared her family with me. My neighbors down the hall have my back. I have many friends here. I should not let the opinions of three people outweigh the love of so many others.
I am healthy. I have parents who love me. I have everything I need to succeed in school. You have blessed me with an incredible mind. I am just as capable and intelligent as anyone around me. And I know how to work under pressure.
You are teaching me that if I want something badly, I must give it my all—and You will handle the rest.
I praise Your holy name.
Guide my thoughts, my steps, my words, and my reactions today. Help me remember: I remain calm, for You hold me in the palm of Your mighty hand.
Amen
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