ONE. I got a puppy! Oh my lord, I am now the proud, proud caretaker, roomie and BFF of a darling bundle of joy. Her name is Martini and she’s a Chiweenie, and I’m in LOVE with her.
Thanks to [Athena] who’d been posting all kinds of rescue photos on my FB wall, I saw a photo that just resonated with me and I basically said, “Yes. She’s the one.”
I mean, just LOOK, will ya:
I die. I just DIE having her around. Yeah, she’s high-maintenence - she’s just 4 months old. But she’s just such a joy to have around, and a loving soul in this heartless apartment.
She’s sleeping in my lap as I type.
TWO. My 3rd wedding date came and went with little fanfare and few tears. I just can’t believe that I’ve had three official hard-set wedding dates in which not a single one of them came to fruition. I suck. Why can’t I do this?
Luckily, I had the Bulldog to help me through the day.
He was sweet and caring and made me dinner at his place and let me drink wine and then he tucked me into bed and let me talk a bit and then we slept. Like, no touching sleep. At first it bummed me out, but then I realized that he was being respectful. More on him later.
But yeah, I guess I didn’t realize how much the thought of 12/13/14 really screwed with me over the weekend until [Athena] and I were at brunch and I could barely function. I was trying to manage Martini (the puppy, not the drink - I was drinking mimosas), I was late, I was a bit of a mess. I tried, but failed at being a decent brunch partner and was so relieved when [A] suggested that I just go home and take care of myself. Puppy and I went home and cried a bit and made a playlist entitled “Breakup”, I drank champagne while ‘Tini played and slept and played and slept, and I got a little drunk and…drifted off into oblivion.
THREE. My lover makes me crazy. What to say about the Bulldog? He is even more confusing than he was before we were fucking. Can you believe I’ve known him almost 9 months now? We are a weird combination, but he simply captivates me. Why? Why? What is it about him that makes me want so much more?
He pisses me the hell off. He’s avoiding me after such sweetness during my non-wedding weekend. Is he playing games with me?
Here are some examples:
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He doesn’t call when he says he will. Most of the time. Sometimes he does.
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He says things that make me feel like he wants more, like, “I’m her daddy” in reference to Martini, but when I ask if he wants to watch her for a couple of hours while I go to Pilates and brunch, he pretends like he doesn’t hear me.
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He asks me to go to Chicago with him over New Year’s. He asks me to go to a wedding with him. And then all of a sudden, he decides he’s not going.
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He tells me he has no plans for Christmas, so I invite him to go with me to my parents’, but then all of a sudden, he’s going to L.A. for 10 days.
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He fucks me like he means it, but he clearly doesn’t.
I’ll stop here.
I love you, and I mean it.
GS
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