Lor is sick. Up until 6am with her. Got up at 11. Parenting and housework is 80/20 unless I directly ask and I’m really sick of having to. Also sick of having to ask him to do something over and over again before it gets done.
We had a huge fight Saturday night and I still don’t feel heard, I never do. He doesn’t either but he never gets why I’m so frustrated when he isn’t in “parent mode” 24/7 and gets to go out, and gets alone time at home to work on things, and gets to lay down by himself when he is tired.
If I try to do any of those things after 20 to 30 minutes he brings me a kid, even when I am sick and need rest.
He wants me to “deal with being tired better” and he doesn’t want to hear me complain. He says I am not happy to see him when he gets home, I just seem relieved.
I guess he wants a robot.
I don’t want to be a robot, I want to be a love interest and I want to feel like a person who has wants and needs that matter too
I am so resentful. I don’t know how to fix it.
I just feel like running away. Even If he is my best friend and I love him so much, sometimes none of this feels worth it.
I don’t feel like a person.
How do I fix this? Is it my fault? I desperately want to change who I am, I would rather just be able to do all of it without wanting more. I am so selfish and I hate it, I really do.
Moms aren’t supposed to be as selfish as I am.
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