Magic Bolloxs in 2014: The Year That Was

It’s cold as ice when you fire someone on the 12th December. An early anti-present for the Helper Evil Santa’s got on his shit list. It’s never pleasant but seriously man, are you really that surprised that we find ourselves here today?
shrugs
Maybe you are? But even without some shiny magic bolloxs I’m depressingly certain that if I check the GPS manána we’ll still be in the same place. It’s simple physics, using Google Maps for the different paths we’re all travelling. Remember the lyrics to Jamiroqui tunes?

Onwards and upwards like Mighty Mouse or Danger Doom! Deja vu building up the 9-5 playlist once more. A little bit more Francais wouldn’t go amiss as I’m tap dancing centre stage now, running the show, for the next few weeks overseeing the FR and UK desk’s. The joys of reporting with zero who-hah and ambidextrous ambivalence. Working out the mean with a big-ass smile from the comfort of my hunchbacked desk.

I should have been a rapper! But my hand-eye co-ordinations getting worse by the year. Older and wiser, I swapped roles with Superstar. She took the scissors whilst I held down the Monopoly money. The only remaining evidence of the debauchery of the weekend last past…I mean, that is, if I stick my fingers in my ears and ignore the abundance of IMEIs I’m drowning in when I gaze around my room.

Looking to the future?
- I’ve got eyes in the back of my head
I should know more in a week or so? I’m missing Queso like Fate’s holding a piece of my heart to ransom. It got complicated on my soul, post-dated the note and sent me pictures of him growing up.

These days, everything’s getting smaller, except my ego, my dick, and my balls. 3 might well be the magic number but it’s the 25th of each month that turns me on. Flick the switch and tune into some Edison moments that burn their brightest when surrounded by darkness. In Space, no one hears you scream so surround yourself with company, get corporate, then invest everything you’ve got in everything you think you can be.

Last updated December 13, 2014