Taken from coolsigs.com along with the next few entries (I will tell you when they stop).
There you are, sitting in the computer lab, probably working on a term paper (or supposed to be working on a research proposal), when it suddenly dawns on you that you haven’t changed your signature file in four days! Fear not, scholar!
A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
A typical class in high school: show up, get rid of your homework, get new homework, leave.
If you read a dictionary, you’ll be really smart. If you eat a dictionary, you’ll be really full.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
(on a lecturer’s door): The probability of finding me in this office is inversely proportional to the magnitude of your urgency.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
A grade 9 history test question: Give the number of automobiles produced in America during the year of your choice. My answer? 1806: none
Bad spellers of the world Untie!
B2 Hamerschlag: We’re the best freshman floor this year, and at the rate we’re going, we’ll be the best freshman floor next year, too.
‘The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn’t need its brain any more…so it eats it. It’s rather like getting tenure.’ – Michael Scriven
Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so it accumulates.
These opinions are mine, not those of the University of Virginia. It is the opinion of the University that I should be writing my dissertation.
A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. – John Ciardi
…Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional. – Professor Brian Quinn
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. – Albert Einstein
Define the Universe and give three examples. – Anonymous
‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’ ‘At home in bed where every good sense of adventure should be at 7:30 AM’ -overheard in calculus class
In a large auditorium at university, the lecturer began by saying, ‘If you can’t hear me up at the back, put your hands up.’ A row of hands went up…
A lecture is a process where information is passed from the notebook of the lecturer to the notebook of the student without necessarily passing through the minds of either.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. – Mark Twain
“(insert student’s name) chewing gum and a cow chewing cud, the only difference is the intelligent expression on the cow’s face.” – Mrs. Reed, my high school English teacher
“If there is a nonessential phrase, you stick it in commas. Commas are the garbage bags of grammar.” – My highschool English teacher
It has been said that the primary function of schools is to impart enough facts to make children stop asking questions. Some, with whom the schools do not succeed, become scientists. – Knut Schmidt-Nielson
“I don’t mind if you sleep in class. Only, please do not snore. You are disturbing others who are trying to sleep.” – Dr. C. Rao, UW-Whitewater
“If you aren’t going to listen, at least pretend to listen!” – My science teacher (anon)
Will
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