Dear God,
Today I missed eight questions on my exam, which resulted in a failed test. What hurts the most is that I knew (anlmost) every question I missed. My instructor even showed me the scan form afterward and told me she knows I understand the material. That meant a lot to me.
Jane always says, “That’s my girl!” and Cherie has a special admiration for me—maybe because we’re the same height. It’s honestly hard to choose a favorite between them. They’re complete opposites, like yin and yang, and I couldn’t ask for better instructors. Jane is motherly, elegant, and serious—a truly classy woman with beautiful, thick hair. I don’t even know her age, but I’d guess late 60s or early 70s. Cherie, on the other hand, is eccentric and comical—a tarot card reader who loves her jewelry. She’s probably in her 40s. I love the rings she wears. I truly, truly love being taught by both of them.
The questions I missed were about inertial wheels, escape hatches, and terminology like “L2,” where the purser sits. This material is hard—very difficult. But failing this exam woke me up.
I also can’t shake this gut feeling about Irock. I don’t trust him. He introduced me to two producers and says he wants to help me, but he keeps charging me for everything. I already gave him $300 for a song, and now he’s asking for another $300—dating back to January, when he introduced me to people. That doesn’t sit right with me. Why is he asking for more money before completing the work I already paid for?
From the very beginning, Irock told me he was a bad guy—that he used to give artists bad deals, steal from them, and drop them without care. I believe people when they tell me who they are. And I still feel like he’s that same person. I could be wrong, but he knows I’m working toward becoming a flight attendant, and yet he keeps asking me for more money.
He says he wants to get all my songs set up correctly. The social media manager even told me that Irock is afraid I’ll blow up from one of my songs already on YouTube. Later, Irock told me not to work with that social media manager and said, “We can’t put the cart before the horse.” Then he followed it with, “Oh, by the way, send me $300 for introducing you to Chris and Troy.”
My vocal coaches introduced me to Irock because they believed he would help me. They even donated thousands of dollars to his GoFundMe for surgery. In my heart, it feels like he owes them—and me—genuine help. Instead, he’s being greedy. Help shouldn’t come with jealousy or resentment. Help shouldn’t cost me peace.
I decided I’m not giving him any more money until he completes the first job I paid for. From now on, every payment will have clear terms, a start date, and an end date. No more vague numbers. No more surprises.
He claims he worked with Ariana Grande, Kehlani, and Leon Thomas. Maybe he did—but it feels exaggerated. I don’t trust it.
Tonight I went to a colleague’s room where everyone (about 7 girls -Karla, Tee, Jillian, Allie, Hailey, Amarya, and me) was drinking tequila and dancing. It felt lively. I’ve always wanted fun, beautiful friends like this. Still, I noticed everyone seems to have a best friend back home. I want that too. I want a best friend—someone supportive, someone who roots for me, who would hang in the studio with me and travel with me. Maybe that person will be Jillian. I love her energy. I hope one day I’ll have that kind of friendship.
I’m in bed now. I pray I don’t develop unhealthy habits. It seems like drinking is common in this environment, but I don’t want that life. I want clarity. I want discipline.
I pray my life will be amazing. I want to work in recording studios with passionate, talented people. I want a manager who is a good person—someone who isn’t money-hungry and who would never cross boundaries. Please guide me with Chris, and help me navigate Troy. Let people who truly want to help me show up in my life.
Please help me on my exam tomorrow. Let me test with clarity and confidence. Give me the strength to endure and finish strong.
Amen.
The next morning(day of exam):
I’m just now waking up. I left the party last night, and I finished my homework while my roommate slept on the couch. I remembered the pattern—D B B A B B A A—eight questions missed. If I input those letters correctly, I’ll be okay.
Jesus, I really need Your help for this retake and for my exam on Friday. Starting this weekend, I’m going to study harder than ever.
I pray for a clear, alert mind. I pray I never smoke again. I pray I don’t replace one habit with another. Today I choose to be gentle with my body and reset.
I love You.
Amen.
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