Dear God,
Please forgive me for my sins. I took a puff while I was out—but it truly was only a few puffs. The weed I had was taken away, and honestly, that feels like a good thing. It fell out of my pocket. I lost it all, and I take that as protection. I told my mom what I did, too.
I’m praying that You will be my natural detox. I genuinely plan not to do this again. My goal is to never smoke anymore. Please take away this addiction. Keep me from harm, and don’t let me lose more than I need to. Just like last night—when I got weed and a cigar and it was immediately taken away—I know that wasn’t a coincidence.
I feel really bad about it all. I don’t know why I told two girls about it—my roommate and the girl who loves to go out. Please don’t let them repeat anything I said.
I went out Friday night with the girls, and yesterday they all partied with us in our room. We drank, laughed, and watched endless episodes of Sex and the City. They’ve dubbed me “Charlotte.” I don’t mind—it means they see me as classy.
I’m learning who not to talk to. I mentioned before that a girl was jealous of me, but that’s not true. I keep hearing that comment in my head: not everybody wants you. I understand that more now. Not everyone is jealous of me; it could be something else. In her case, she’s from Argentina; maybe it’s a cultural thing that I take as rude. We shall see in time…
I only slept about three hours. I really need to rest—at least until 11a.m. Today I need to wash my hair, do laundry, study, and dry my hair. I also need to get my mail of white button down blouses from the front desk of the hotel… by the way, the entire hotel staff knows about me. I pray to have no more uncomfortable or unkind moments with them again.
It’s doable, but it’s a tight squeeze. I need to conserve my energy. I plan to sleep, get my chores done, and then stay in my room for the rest of the day.
I’m overwhelmed, truly. I guess the partying helps me feel connected, but I’m also a little hurt. Some guy said something really unkind to me. Another was rude as well. A security guard made an inappropriate joke—squeezing a lime into his drink and encouraging me to pee on myself. I confronted him and told him his behavior was unkind and that he needed to work on his character and let go of his past trauma.
Later, he gave my friends and me a free table and drinks. He told us about his childhood, how his mom used to beat him, and that he’s from Venezuela. Now, whenever we go out, he offers us VIP service. Please work on his heart, God. Help him come to know You. If I ever see him again, guide my words.
My dad waited until I left for school to tell my mom that he might have cancer. I feel sick just thinking about it. He’s the kind of man who keeps everything to himself. He wouldn’t tell me directly—unless he asked my mom not to say anything.
Father, I pray for my dad. I love him and my mom so much. Please heal him. He’s been going to church almost every day. He prays for me constantly. He wants me to get a high-paying job until “I get that phone call.” Please protect him from all evil. Surround my mom with love and comfort.
Protect me as well. Keep my life fully in the palm of Your hand. Guard me from all evil. Love me completely, and help me love people well.
Please protect me in my friendships and guide me to the right people. Give me strong discernment. Help me conserve my energy and, most of all, guard my mouth. I’m so excited to finally have a group of close friends, but help me choose my words wisely.
Help me get everything done today with peace. Let me live a life that is pleasing to You.
For anyone who may read this, let them be encouraged. We all go through difficult seasons and joyful ones. But I pray that Yiu help us and talk to us. Give us comfort in knowing You are near.
I truly want to stop this addiction. I like weed so much, and I wish it weren’t harmful—but please help me find my way out of addiction without harm. Help me wake up one day free from this desire.
Also, help me build a routine and discern when it’s time to rest, work, or go out. Let me not live in guilt, but in wisdom.
I love You.
Amen.
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