January 28, 2026
I read my astrology yesterday from Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter.
Here’s what he was saying about Scorpios for this week, and I found it interesting:
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Psychologist James Pennebaker did studies showing that people who write about traumatic experiences for just 15 minutes a day show improved immune function, fewer doctor visits, and better emotional health. But here’s a key detail: The benefits don’t come from the trauma itself or from “processing feelings.” They come from constructing a narrative: making meaning, finding patterns, and creating coherence. The healing isn’t in the wound. It’s in the story you shape from the wound’s raw material. You Scorpios excel at this alchemical work. One of your superpowers is to take what’s dark, buried, or painful and transform it through the piercing attention of your intelligence and imagination. The coming weeks will be an excellent time to do this.
Okay, so want to talk about my latest medical trauma? Let’s see if my alchemy can work through this one:
As you may know if you’ve read me over the last decade, I’m a survivor of multiple life-threatening situations, including a carotid artery dissection and a couple of horrible, nightmarish cancers. My body seemed angry with me for the ways I’ve treated it in the past (years of alcohol indulgence, smoking, poor eating, wildly erratic physical activity, grueling and high stress work, disastrous romantic relationships, etc.), and so when I hit 50, my body started rebelling against me.
Before this time, I didn’t even have a primary care physician! I never, ever went to the doctor - ever!
And to go from no doctor to trips to the emergency department and multiple hospital stays was also shocking to my system. I spent half a decade in complete and utter fight-flight-freeze mode, and I’m still digging my way out of the storm to this day.
So what’s going on with me lately? Yes, I’m a survivor. But survivors need surveillance! I am working hard to continue to stay healthy because, as you can imagine, I never want to go back to the hospital for anything. It’s just NOT the place I want to be!
So in order to make sure my body remains healthy, I have to be monitored. Tests, scans, doctor visits are all crucial in my healing and the continuation of my life. As you can imagine, I need to see a doc for somethingorother at least every other month.
And being underemployed and without a company-sponsored medical insurance plan, I’ve had to go through our government’s medical marketplace for my insurance needs.
NOT GOOD.
Nobody tells you that these marketplace plans, as great as they might sound, do NOT have the same “benefits” as literally any other medical insurance plan. It feels like the idea is to keep people from treatment. And certainly, if you have an established medical team, just know that you will be kept far, far away from the doctors you already know and love - it’s purposely complicated! It truly feels like these marketplace plans are designed to disrupt your whole life.
Because health is everything. But navigating marketplace insurance plans is impossible. Or nearly so. Let me tell you what I’m dealing with right now. This is just a small, small piece of my overall health plan, but this one is top of mind. And I’m going to spare you by NOT telling you about the hours I’ve already spent on hold and on the phone with United Health Care’s “customer service”. Remember, UHC is one of the most common and “top” insurance companies in the country.
So.
I got a phone call from my colon surgeon’s office over two weeks ago telling me that it’s time to schedule my 2-year colonoscopy. All I need to do is call them back to get this thing scheduled, right?
Not so fast. Because I called thinking I’d just need to make a quick change to my insurance records…but now MY surgeon - the highly skilled man who’s saved my life - is covered by my new insurance, but the surgery centers where he performs procedures are NOT. Um. Whut.
And to add another layer of complexity, my UHC insurance requires a referral in order to even talk to my already established life-saving surgeon. So now, I can’t talk to my surgeon AND I have to find a new doctor to perform this extremely intimate and delicate procedure.
Luckily, there’s another surgeon in his medical practice group who DOES take my insurance AND his surgery center does too. And the scheduler I talked with told me that this guy is the head of all of the doctors in this practice and he’s HER personal doctor. AND all of my reports will be at my wonderful (and hot) surgeon’s office just waiting for me when I’m able to go back and see him again. And that gave me a lot of confidence.
BUTT! And this is a big butt.
I still need to get a referral!
Do you know how impossible it is to get in to see a new primary care physician at the beginning of a new year? Trust me, it’s impossible. I was able to schedule an appointment with a physician’s assistant in the middle of April. APRIL! My colonoscopy is due in February. Make it make sense.
I called my former PCP and begged him to write a referral. He suggested getting my oncologist to make the referral. After several calls to my oncologist, I discovered that not even my HOT oncologist could make it happen. WHYYYY do I have to see someone who knows nothing about me in order to get a referral???
But that’s our fucking system!! This is what happens when you aren’t able to get continuity of care as a cancer or other chronic illness patient. It’s enough to make people give up. Our insurance system is absolutely broken.
At my wits end, and after many, many, MANY phone calls, I broke. I ended up cussing out the chat bot on the UHC website. I actually got the attention of someone because I was saying things like, “your company is causing the deaths of Americans! You are keeping me from getting the treatment I need to save my own life!”
Y’know, things like that. I was thisclose to taking it to social media. If I knew I could get a video to go viral, I might have…and I may still keep this idea up my sleeve if I need to use it in the future.
After I got someone’s attention, I ended up with two things: (1) an appointment with a virtual primary care doctor, and (2) a case manager for my particular issues. Now, why didn’t anyone tell me before that these were options I could have had? Why? Because nobody wants you to know that you are actually paying for these benefits!!
It’s insane and crazy-making. I often wonder how critically injured or impaired patients even survive. I have spent countless hours trying to advocate for myself.
So. I have the appointment with the virtual primary care doc this afternoon. We’ll see how that goes. I am praying that this doctor can write me a referral to have my colon checked.
And yesterday, I met with my case manager via phone call. And she was amazing. I told her the whoooooole damn story. It took about an hour. She patiently listened and made suggestions. And she told me that if I don’t get the things I need today in my virtual visit that I can call her directly. She gave me her direct line and even a number I can call after hours.
Sheesh!
So that’s where I am so far. Navigating medical care and insurance is a BEAST. It’s multiple, multiple steps and it’s exhausting and makes one just want to give up. In a way, I’m lucky that I have the time to do things like spend hours on the phone and in customer service chats, but it shouldn’t have to be this way.
I’m not sure how I’m “transforming” through writing this down, but I think I feel better for doing so. I’m supposed to be able to take all of this and transform it into something useable. But what? I’m not sure yet!
I’ll let you know how my virtual meeting goes. Maybe that will spark something.
In the meantime, please stay healthy!!
xox,
GS
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