I have been writing entries, getting halfway through, getting distracted, and then walking away. I always come back, sometimes the next day, to finish it up. I just came back to an entry to close it out, hit publish, and Prosebox ate it. Super fun.
Anyway, I am a little salty this morning. Got up early, made Rick’s lunch, and our morning cups of tea. I heated up a Trader Joe’s rich, heated some canned green beans, added two protein egg cups, and even added a little pouch of Valentina hot sauce. Waited for him to wake up. He got dressed and was just kinda slow.
I get it. He falls asleep MUCH later than I do. I am awake everyday between 4:45-5:45. If he doesn’t have work, he will sleep until after 9. So I am typically awake HOURS before him. When he finally gets dressed, he takes like over an hour to fully wake up. I do my damnedest to give him space to come around. But there are times that I get excited that he’s awake. I have a habit of info dumping first thing in the morning.
This morning, I had a lot of energy, hence his more labor intensive lunch. Usually I just send leftovers, but he had the leftovers last night for dinner. So he got up, and I gave him twenty minutes before asking him to go on a cigarette walk with me before he had to leave for work. He said he had to leave early, so he said to give him a bit and we could just walk out front to the car together, and I would continue on the walk without him, while he left for work.
I didn’t want to do that! There was still 30 minutes before he had to leave. I was a little butt hurt, so I put my shoes on, and told him I was just going to go alone. I was a little snappy as I walked out of the apartment. “I’ll walk you out in a few minutes.” he said. “It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to spend time with you before you left. It’s fine, I’ll go alone.” I replied. He started to say something and I said again, “It doesn’t matter.” Before I shut the door and began my walk.
When I came back to the lobby, he was coming out. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. “No, not mad. just disappointed. I wanted to spend a few minutes with you. With you back to work, I see you for an hour in the morning and we hang out for like two hours in the evening before I am knackered. That’s all.” He tried to explain that he needed to get situated before going to work and needed a little time. I wanted to remind him that I asked him last night if he had set everything out that he needed for the next day, and he hadn’t.
I gave him a kiss and told him to have a good day.
Once I sat down, I got a notification from the Nextdoor app. Homeless gent has been caught openly masturbating in front of women and children IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, repeatedly, and the police won’t do anything about it. I guess I am not walking by myself anymore…
Today, I am going to continue working on a cute little recipe junk journal for Zoe. I have been writing out family recipes on index cards and will be making scrapbook like pages in this little hardcover spiral journal. I have eight recipes so far. My bff Debi sent some to me to add to the book, as well. I am going to “laminate” the pages with packing tape so Zoe can use it in the kitchen. I am also devising a way to keep the book standing up, on it’s side, like a tent, and she can keep it on the counter in the kitchen.
It’s really cute, and I know she’ll love it. I am sending it in a Valentine’s care package.
Last night, I went to pour Rick a glass of his favorite barley tea. The cup he uses for his tea was SLIMY. The cap of the cup clearly had dark brown slimy residue in the edges. MOLD. HE HAS BEEN DRINKING OUT OF A MOLDY CUP. His thermos was the same way. I walked into the bedroom, where he was changing clothes, and showed him. I begged him to PLEASE wash his cup out at least every two days.
I explained I wasn’t trying to shame him, but this could be dangerous. Don’t fuck around with mold.
I am really good about cleaning items like this that we use daily. I like to take the cups apart, like every piece gets washed and sanitized. It is something I learned from my hideously narcissistic former roommate. I had no clue just how dirty things get.
I know I am a messy person. I have ALWAYS been less than tidy. I can remember my mom complaining about it from six years of age all the way up to adulthood. But my spaces are not DIRTY. Just cluttered and under managed. I am working on keeping more organized, as I do enjoy how I feel when things are more controlled, but I go through cycles of letting it get un tidy again, then correcting it, and so it goes…
The dishes are always washed. I pick up trash. But there are piles of laundry. Projects. That’s my life. I can improve upon it, but my house will NEVER look like a model home. I am more than okay with that. I think it comes with the territory when you have post menopausal adult ADHD.
I went into our room right now to grab Rick’s sneaky hidden vape and discovered that he had purchased a new vape. I know he hides it because it’s not good for me to have free and open access to a vape, because I will keep it at my side, where I will hit it all day. And honestly, it makes me feel crappy. But the hiding it bugs me.
Good for me, but not for thee comes to mind.
And before anyone thinks that I went into his private stuff to find it- we have open access to anything in the apartment. Any time I had brought up respecting his personal spaces, he scoffs and says, “What’s mine is yours!” So, no, I don’t feel bad. It is literally hiding in plain sight. At this point, it’s a game to me. Sneaky vapes just mean I have to sneak, lol.
I am not entirely sure what my plan is today beyond making the recipe book. I need to clean the kitchen, plan dinner, and replant succulents we bought a whole month ago. But I also want to respect my body’s messaging. If I am tired, I rest, period.
Last night, I finally broke down and took an Ambien for sleep. I hadn’t used this prescription, because of all of the horror stories I have heard of people sleepwalking and doing crazy things on this medication. But last night, I gave it a shot. I am happy to report back that our security system (an office chair against the front door, and our closed bedroom door did not even play a role. I slept like a baby. Eight solid hours of sleep!
Anyway, I am going to get going. I hope everyone has a good weekend.
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