Dear God,
I have so much to do—so much work, so much memorizing, so much on my mind. I brought an entire suitcase like a hoarder, and to make matters worse, the airline broke my bag and stole from it.
I wish I knew what to do. I need Your guidance. I need water—just drank some. And Lord, I feel like I’m aging. Part of me wants to stay in bed and never get up until I look like myself again.
Tomorrow is Monday. I think I should reschedule my appointment and just study, study, study—do what I have to do. I need to get my nails done for my photoshoot on Wednesday, so that has to happen ASAP.
Today I bought clothes and a suitcase using Shervy’s card, but I’m returning a lot of things. I’m trying to help his finances. I don’t know how he does it—he only worked five hours today and came home. His place looks nice for nearly $2k a month. He’s clean, organized—no weirdness. I noticed a book he has called A Way to Happiness. I feel bad because I want Shervy to be happy. From now on, I’ll try to be excited about his XRP. I want to support what brings him joy.
I wonder what he’s thinking right now. I can hear him doing his usual routine—heating something up, sitting on the couch. One thing I noticed today: no talk of XRP, and that was amazing. It’s hard for me to pretend interest when I don’t know if it’s a good idea or not. Still, Shervy is the only person I truly feel myself with.
I’m lying in bed, hoping I’ll fall asleep tonight. Maybe I’ll do a facial mask, then the LED mask, then face wipes, earplugs, and sleep meds.
Lord, I need help. Please heal my mind—I think so much. I just want to be happy. That’s all. Funny enough, that’s what Shervy wants too. I think we all want a little more joy.
Father, please forgive me for my sins. I need Your strength. I truly do. Help me remember, when I’m famous, that many people treated me poorly beforehand—so it doesn’t really matter who you are; people will still be rude. I’m upset with life because I’m always working, working, working—but I need to stop complaining.
I pray You make a way for me. Please give me beauty for ashes. Thank You for giving me the strength not to smoke today. Thank You for helping me fast—I only had a little fruit. I almost ate a Skittle and spit it out. I wasn’t thinking; I was upset about my camera stand being stolen from my luggage.
I’m so angry—but what does that really do? It won’t help my diet. I just want to sleep. I want to look and feel my best. I want to be happy.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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