Well, I made it back home and back to reality about 1 p.m. today. After 7 nights with Nick being back on my own isn’t that great. I really enjoy his company most of the time and just being with him. He had mentioned we’d be sick of each other by the end. Definitely not.
I can say I’m ready to move faster or at least move to whatever the next step is. With an end goal of happily ever after and spending every night together forever. I don’t feel he’s ready for that though. It’s the meeting his kids part he seems super hesitant about. He just isn’t willing to share that sacred part of his life. I understand, to an extent, I do. Yet, with how seamlessly things have progressed with us I don’t fully understand. The psychologist they had when they got divorced said 8 months was the standard earlier for introducing kids. Which I’m fine with. So, I’m just going to sit back and wait and see. I can handle 10 months or possibly even a year. More than that, I’m not sure. We will see when we get to that point. I guess what gets me is he doesn’t even talk about that part of the future. Never talks about the day I meet his kids. Like he just isn’t there yet I guess. I don’t know. This is probably a whole nother entry some other time.
Back to the vacation…
I got to Nick’s Tuesday and we flew out to Vegas Wednesday. My anxiety was awful over what would go wrong… My carry on not fitting, no seats, room not being right, losing stuff. You name it. Our flight was uneventful and we made it right on time. Checked into our room with no issues. Had some food. Napped. Then went to the Mad Apple Cirque Du Soleil Show. It was amazing and a great show. Then the walk back to our room and to sleep.
Nick somehow hurt his back Wednesday morning and woke up unable to move Thursday. Seriously. Couldn’t stand. Couldn’t get up. It was awful. What a way to start Christmas. This was our all day Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam Tour. There was no way he was going. He encouraged me to go as this was a total bucket list item for me. So I left my comfort zone and went for it. Spending Christmas Day alone for 11 hours with strangers. I amazingly had a great time and really enjoyed myself. I’m so happy I can cross this off my bucket list. Finally. It’s been a long time coming. While I was gone Nick managed to find a chiropractor that was working Christmas and. even went directly to the room. He told him he had a herniated disk and did what he could to make it better between an adjustment, some massage work and some stretching. By the time I got back he was at least walking. We got some easy dinner and just chilled in the room for the night after walking for a bit. I was exhausted from a long day and he was super sore.
Friday I got up early to get ready for skydiving which was already booked. Then as I was finishing getting ready Nick managed to get it rescheduled to Sunday so he’d have more time to feel better. So we just walked around, saw the sites, took a nap. Had a Brazilian Steak House for dinner which is all you can eat meat. Then hit up the High Roller which is like a giant Ferris wheel with pods on it. It takes 30 minutes to go around. I paid the extra for the happy hour adventure which got you 30 minutes of an open bar while you went around. The reviews made it look like we’d get 2-3 drinks max but I figured it was worth it for the experience and the fact there’d be no kids. Our bartender was AMAZING. We ended up having 7 cray strong drinks/shots in that time. It was crazy. The views were amazing. Overall, I highly recommend this & upgrading to the happy hour adult only pod. Afterwards we just made the walk back to our hotel and back to sleep. Nothing too exciting but overall a perfect day.
Saturday we did a ton of walking, site seeing and people watching. I took a long hot bath in the giant tub. A nap. Then we went to the NHL (hockey) game. Colorado Avalanche vs Vegas Knights. An amazing game. It ended up tied, into overtime and an eventual shoot out. Our seats were super good. Avs won. Totally worth this too and with such a great game we absolutely got our moneys worth. Afterwards back to the hotel for sleep.
Sunday was an early morning to go sky diving. We had to be ready and walk a mile by 8 a.m. I was exhausted by this point and getting up early was not enjoyable. We had a nice shuttle to the airport we’d skydive from which was about 45 minutes away. It was a lot of hurry up and wait. Finally, it was time to skydive. My instructor was great and made me feel totally at ease. I was scared I’d back out but honestly had no anxiety until the last second before jumping. I told him this was such a stupid idea and boom, we were jumping out of the plane. It was AMAZING. I felt zero fear on the jump, not much adrenaline in a bad way, just smiles and laughter. After free falling he pulled the shoot and then let me steer the parachute for awhile. I seriously jumped out of a plane 15,000 feet above the ground & laughed. Nick said it was terrifying while I was still laughing. My instructor said I did absolutely amazing for my first time. Nick then asked how I can always have so much anxiety and overthinking about little stuff but then when I should have anxiety I’m like ehhhh, that’s great, let’s do it again. I have no idea. That’s me though. Later that night he asked what the scariest thing I’ve ever done is since skydiving didn’t do much to me. I honestly have no idea?!?! Eventually, I came up with riding in the side by side with my ex husband as probably the last terrifying thing I can remember doing. It was awful. When it was over I simply said “wow, I can still feel things”. This was at a point I felt like I would just be numb forever after we divorced and I was amazed I could feel legit fear. I guess that’s the scariest legit thing I’ve voluntarily (and stupidly) done in ages. I realized while thinking… The true, scariest thing in my life was probably the time my then husband drove me down a backroad on what was supposed to be my lunch break. I’d left him but he’d convinced me to go to lunch with him. But he didn’t take me to lunch. He took me to the middle of nowhere. He told me to get out. Then he told me this was where my friend Steve had been buried when he was murdered. Next he freaked out about how I couldn’t leave him and how worthless I was. Finally he pulled out a shotgun and began firing at nothing. All while yelling and being absolutely mean and scary. By this point all I could do was cry. I remember how cold I was, how scared I was, realizing he could kill me at any moment and probably would. Thinking I’d freeze to death before I made it back to town if I got away from him. Eventually, he had me get back in the truck, after I’d said the right things and drove me back to work. I remember the sage brush and snow on the way back. The loaded shot gun looming between us. Debating if I jumped out if I’d be able to hide long enough to not freeze and get to safety. December 2015. 20 years ago. Yet I still remember it like it was yesterday. I’d let him back after this incident and stay married for 6 more years. In fear he’d kill me if I ever left, in fear he was right and I was worthless and couldn’t make it on my own. Yeah, the scariest times of my life definitely involve the scariest person I ever met. How do you answer that though? Yeah, the scariest thing I did was almost get murdered by a narcissistic psychopath that tortured me for 14 long years? Why in the hell did I get on a side by side with this “man” AFTER our divorce? Trauma bonding would say my therapist. I can’t really say… I just wanted to feel something and was so tired of feeling numb. That ride though, it reminded me I’d rather feel nothing than ever feel the fear he creates in my body again. So, yeah, skydiving doesn’t scare me after years of that level of abuse. Does anything really scare me? Sharks do. I think. Anyways, that’s also allllll another entry. Overall, Sunday was a great day too.
Monday we had to be up at 3:30 as our plane left at 6:00 a.m. We seamlessly made it to the airport and onto our plane. No issues except I had to gate check my carry on as there wasn’t enough room. Made it back to Montana by 9:30 a.m.
We sat in Nick’s hot tub. I took a short nap. Then we cleaned his house some. Put away Christmas. Vacuumed a ton. Finally dinner with Alex and then back to Nick’s. More hot tub. Part of a movie and then we went to bed at 8. I was exhausted and fell asleep instantly and slept sooooo good.
He had to go to work today. I slept until 9:30. Drank some coffee. Woke up. Loaded my car. Then made the 3 hour drive home. I’ve been mostly cleaning the house ever since as leaving my 23 year old and dogs here alone for 8 days left quite the mess. Tomorrow I go back to work for both jobs. Yuck. It should be a good money making day though with everyone eating out for New Years Eve.
Overall, it’s the best vacation I’ve had in years, maybe ever. No fighting. No issues. Just fun, naps and good times. Now to save to do it again sometime. Next I think I want to go to an ocean… any ocean.
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