Is funny. One moment I know that I’m skeptical and expecting doubt. Then, it seems like only a short while later, I haven’t got a single doubt down to my bones.
I’m ready to run off a cliff if spirit demands it. Without a second thought or minute hesitation. It’s the this is a test- and what a test! I wonder what in the world is on the other side?! Because every test has revealed intimacy treasure. Every time. Without fail. Something so amazing and breathtaking happens that it’s impossible that any of it could be luck, chance, or coincidence. Even if I’d had the time or inclination, I would never have had the substance to dream anything so magical. So outside the social human experience.
I had admired authors to no end and even written what I think are quite good stories. And they are. But they are human stories. They tell grand tales and transcend mere daily consciousness. But it is to a transcendental human consciousness that they go to. What I remain in awe of, in love with, and more I believe, forever in delightful pursuit of, is something far and away so unhuman that it requires that we strip ourselves of all of our mundane social conditioning to receive it.
I had a first hand glimpse when my childhood memories came flooding back. When I saw impossible silver disks in place of my eyes. When I began to dream events and perceptions into my waking life. When I recognized that my environment had shifted unexpectedly and to a far greater degree than it ever had before.
And now, I recognize a set of tools handed to me that I hardly knew that I had. That I have been using to the best of my ability since grade 3 when I learned how to write. The very same concept that I recently learned a far more effective, deep and efficient technique to complete the same intent; the recapitulation.
One has only to give it a try but a few times and is faced with the undeniable truth. It works. The energy floods in. The thoughts quiet. Feeling can arise out of a relative peace and freedom in sovereign energy instead of the normal state of anxious distraction.
I have to write it down before it drives me insane. I need to get it out of my head. This is the answer that I gave everyone any time anyone asked me why I wrote so much. I was always writing. Always. I was loath to be without a pen and my notebook. I quickly developed a preference for specific types of pens and paper. But really, any would do. So if my life. Since I knew how to write. This had been my mainstay. Literally how I stayed sane. How I physically and metaphorically got rid of the thoughts that bothered me. I found that they would bother me, until I wrote them down. They stayed on the paper. They left my head.
Now, I marvel at this new technique. I sense such a depth it is able to reach. A breadth that cannot be compared to writing. Yes; writing worked to the best of it’s ability. But I cannot write every detail, feeling, the character of the environment, the energy of interaction, the visual, auditory, olfactory, sensations and everything about every memory! It would take at last 5 times as long as it had taken to actually form the memory in the first place! One sixth of my life living. 5 sixths writing about it.
I understood why spirit told me to take the BioGeometry classes. Without them, I would not have been able to learn the necessary focus to bring to my attention exclusively anything which I wished to focus on, absolutely necessary for recapitulation. That is not a skill one simply picks up along the way. I know too, why spirit guided me to the private equity discharge class. I needed to be a victor of a test. I needed a certain, definitive, chronological chain of events that could never have been chance, luck, or coincidence. I mean, how could I not be as John the Baptist was in Raphael’s Maddona and Child with John the Baptist?
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