To Travel or Not To Travel in All Good Things

I just got home from being away for almost the whole of the last three months, swearing that I never wanted to pack a suitcase again. Well, I’m already going to Bradford the day after tomorrow, but that’s only overnight, so I figured it didn’t really count. Then I booked three trips to France and Holland in February and March–but they’re also only for a day or two, and for very good motivation (NOT work), so I can excuse those, too.

Then I got two emails today, from two of the companies I do work for, one asking if I’d be willing to work in Hong Kong in the days just before Christmas (they’re having difficulty finding anyone willing at that time of year) and the other asking if I’d do a job in Beirut, Lebanon at the end of January.

Why, please tell me WHY, is my first inclination to say yes?!? I already said yes to the Hong Kong one. I have a good reason: because unlike all other years, this year there’s being no work in London in December (it’s normally the busiest time) and I was counting on earning some money this month since tax is due in January. Also, I have a niggly thought of possibly popping down to New Zealand from Hong Kong since it’s been a year and a half since I was there and if I’m already halfway there, it makes sense.... But Lebanon? Seriously??? I’ve forced myself not to answer the email yet, even though they’ve already sent a follow-up, because I KNOW that if I say yes now, come the end of January I’ll be desperate to get out of it and feeling sick with apprehension and horror and longing to be able to time travel to return to this moment and say no instead of yes. I don’t want to go to Lebanon. Not by myself. I had a bad enough time in Italy with all my friends last month in a city I’ve been to numerous times before, in a country where I can sort of get by with the language. Hell, I even struggled in Australia, a country where I’ve LIVED three times before and where they speak English and have a similar culture!

I know I have to say no. What I don’t understand is why I want to say yes. Is it merely force of habit cultivated over the past decade and a half of people offering me jobs in exciting exotic locations? Newsflash: I don’t like exciting exotic locations right now! I have a life I want to be living in London right now! I don’t want to go anywhere right now!

I’ve been having the most wonderful week in London. In a way, it feels like the tour never ended since I’ve spent so much time with so many members of the cast, plus caught up with former members who left earlier in the year and who I hadn’t seen for months. It’s been fabulous. And more to come this weekend… So why on earth do I want to set foot out of this country?

I don’t. So now I need to say no to Lebanon.

I just wish I understood why it seems so difficult to do.