Dear God,
Thank You for another day. I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 5 a.m., yet I feel as though I slept a full eight hours. I don’t even look sleep-deprived—thank You for that. I do want to get proper rest, but I’m grateful that I’m not dragging today.
Today I need to get my insurance reinstated and deposit money at the bank so I don’t incur overdraft fees. I’m also considering closing a few accounts—they cost me money every month and feel wasteful, though I’m still unsure. I need to pay for my trip to D.C. for my first tour stop (I think I’ll do that before anything else), take care of two traffic tickets, and return some packages. It’s going to be a busy day on the road.
I like to get everything done in the morning, so I’ll be at my first destination before 10 a.m. I already ate breakfast. I have this habit of eating only half my plate—it really helps me maintain my weight. I try to stay away from sugar…but not really. I mostly eat and drink what I want, but I’m mindful of what’s good for me and try to stick to healthier choices. This morning, though, I had my usual #5 McGriddle meal with black coffee and white milk. No matter how rich I may be someday, this will always be my favorite breakfast.
It’s already 8:30 a.m. I need to be at the insurance office in 30 minutes, then court, then home to gather packages and money, followed by the bank and FedEx. After that, I’ll buy my ticket to D.C.
As for Christmas, I went to my brother’s house. My brother is truly strange. I gave him ten butterflies to release in his garden. Although he loved the experience, he insisted on finding out how much they cost. I told him $64.95—which is true—but I bought them on sale for half that price. I left that part out, but he went online, looked it up, and made a big deal about how I didn’t pay the full amount. Then he gave me $40 as my Christmas gift. He has this odd habit of reimbursing me for anything I buy him. It’s little, petty things like this that make me keep my distance.
I like his wife—she seems nice—and I like her parents too. But as for my brother and sister, I’ve lost hope. I no longer desire their love the way I used to. I feel sorry for them because they’ll never be close to me the way others are. I’ll never fully trust them. And when I become wealthy, I won’t owe them anything, because they’ve never contributed to my life or my career in any way.
After leaving my brother’s house, I went to my parents’ home. We spent time together and prayed before I headed back. I drove home while talking to Erica on the phone. Her resentment toward me has vanished. She’s no longer upset that I didn’t love her in the way she wanted. I just miss her friendship. She’s effortlessly funny and country as hell. I have to stop myself from imitating her because, for some reason, she takes it as an insult. I love her accent, even though she doesn’t.
Now I’m in bed, with twenty minutes before I need to be somewhere, but I’m taking it slow. I prayed with Sister Renee—and that’s exactly who she is to me, a sister. We don’t talk all the time, but we love each other. One day, I’m going to take care of her the way a sister should. I’ve watched her spend years taking care of so many people; she deserves to be taken care of for a change. I want to provide for her in a meaningful way so she doesn’t have to work anymore and can focus on her charity work. I trust her with money. I can’t explain why—it’s simply something You placed on my heart.
And my neighbor across the hall—we barely know each other, but I want to take care of him too. I’m going to ask if he’d like to live on my compound. Crazy that I think like this, huh? But I believe he’s a good man who deserves a good life. I’ll simply say, “This is the help I need for the rest of my life—would you like to work with me, or keep your current lifestyle?” Whatever he chooses, I’ll respect it.
And Shervy—he’ll never have to lift a finger. I want to give him $20,000 to repay him fourfold for all the money I’ve borrowed over the years. If I had to guess, it’s probably around $5,000 total. Lately, he’s put limitations on the card I use—changing the PIN, stopping certain payments—but I don’t mind. I know he can’t afford my spending habits and never could take care of me the way I want to be taken care of. I just hope he finds someone who truly loves him and doesn’t drain him financially.
I wish I had more money. I want a pedicure and manicure, a body wrap, fresh makeup, and to have my hair shampooed and blow-dried professionally. I want things I can’t afford right now—not Hermès bags or designer shoes, just things that make me feel and look good. I want to be able to afford sushi whenever I want—simple things like that.
I reached out to a man friend to see if he could accompany me today. We’ll see what happens—he’ll probably be too busy. Either way, I have a lot to do, and I don’t need anyone in the passenger seat. I can do this on my own. I just need to get out of bed and do what needs to be done.
Please give me favor, Father. Guide my steps today. Help me with the judge and with my life. Let me accomplish everything I need to do.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
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