is always a good sign lol
It’s funny how memories are.... When I had no experience of remembering them, it was as if those memories did not exist at all. There was nothing- not a hind- to my conscious mind of anything existing within me in the void of memory that I would or could have access to. It’s like going outside and looking up in the blackness of night, and seeing all the space between the stars. One never gazes at the space, wondering what had been there if only one could remember what it was.
And yet a secret of memory has spied through- as it always seems to in every real story. And that spy which is allowed through, by perhaps less than pure forces.
That memory for came in the thought that my mom is not my mom. Not in the meaningful, nor in the actual sense. And as it occurs to me now that as that memory was prematurely realized, it built up in me something akin to faith. I believed, or realized the fact that, my mom was not my mother, but I had no alternative explanation. I had no-thing at all to explain how I came to be alive in this physical reality. How would I come to be here in this place, if she who gave birth to me, was not my mother?
And to complicate things further, being a mother myself, I question my relationship to my children. Am I, in that same creative and meaningful sense, their mother? For me, this was actually an easier process. No faith required. OF COURSE NOT!!! hahaha
This entire concept is highly offensive to most people, and to an even higher degree, to my own mom herself! Yet It slips right into my being like a soft, reassuring hug. It comforts and warms me.
Know thyself; learn your sympathies and your antipathies, so that you can navigate the world. This instruction from Steiner seems entirely appropriate here.
I have been introduced to the mysterious qualities of the number 3. The Number 30. And 1/3. 33 and 1/3 is as the Trinity- of course, being made up perfectly of 3 times 33 and 1/3. Mother, Father, and Child; all as one Trinity.
Somehow I sense in that indescribable, unfathomable way, a direct knowing of my oneness. I sense that as I was young in this life as a child, my mom was not my mother, but I was mothered. How could I have grown and developed if I had not been? My mother was not and is not of the physical sort. My mother is a Divine Mother-God. And so is yours.
Yes. Well. the part that I can pluck out and bring back to physical reality and expound upon, is our innate and ever present ability to re-write our own beliefs. I once believed that a woman was my mother. lol. Now I have re-written that belief in favor of something closer to what is true. Changing that belief has changed how I am expressed here in profound ways. Everyone has access to this. Everyone can decide for themselves what core beliefs are relevant or beneficial for them. And everyone can change themselves.
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