Dear God,
Merry Christmas Eve. Right now, I’m lying in bed. I’m not sure how much sleep I’ve actually gotten, but I feel good. I only got out of bed once—to grab breakfast around 5 a.m. I drove there with nothing on but a hooded gray fleece robe and my Ugg boots. I think I want to stay in my apartment for another year. Truly, only where I live could I ever get away with something like that.
I’ve already spoken with my dad several times. My mom hasn’t answered her phone yet. I’ve exchanged a few texts with friends…and Scott is still emailing me. I think he’s terrified he’s lost me for good. I’m still deciding whether I want him in my life or not.
I checked on my butterfly garden. I don’t know how it happened, but I now have ten butterflies—before, I had only counted eight. All of them are healthy except one. This poor butterfly has a broken wing. It keeps trying to fly but can’t. What’s worse, it has looked dead several times, yet I keep trying to rehabilitate it. I want to make sure this butterfly lives a good life, even if it can never fly. Later, I plan to find sweet flowers to place in the butterfly home.
Listen to me—I’m 41 and talking about butterflies. But I don’t care. I’m genuinely happy with my life right now. I may not have everything, but I’m healthy. And I admit—I’m beautiful too. I don’t always feel that way, but I’m going to start taking better care of myself so I can. In fact, I’m going to take my vitamins now.
I’m watching Interview with the Vampire. I’ve never seen it before. It’s a strange choice for Christmas Eve, but I’m enjoying it. I’m not fully invested in the storyline, yet I do enjoy watching the performances of such talented actors.
Brad Pitt has incredible bone structure and lips in this film—the power of sex appeal really can take you far. Still, I think it’s the mindset of a person that makes you stay. I want to keep my mindset focused on You, Father. I want to learn more about You. I just hate reading the Bible. Hate is such a strong word… I’m just not a reader—sad to admit. Please help me have the patience to sit still long enough to read Your Word.
I’m returning to the movie now. Thank You, Jesus, for everything You’ve given me. I love You with all my heart and soul.
Amen.
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