Currently, I’m just filled with anxiety. Spinning in circles. So much to do, so little time. Constant fears and worries. Overwhelmed. Stressed. Overthinking.
We leave for Vegas in 3 days. Getting ready to go always sends me into this awful panic feeling. I’m so prepared this time. Yet, this time is no exception. Even overly prepared I had a full meltdown and panic episode. Like crawling out of my skin earlier today. It’s the first time I felt like I needed Xanax in ages. Didn’t take it. But boy did I want it.
I’ve got everything packed I think. I have one pair of leggings left to pack once they’re dry. Then I’m ready to go. I don’t leave until Tuesday so I’m ready in plenty of time. However, now I’m fearful I’ll have forgot something or my bag will get flagged in line or something won’t be packed right. I despise flying and all that goes with it. I keep telling myself it’ll be fine. Literally, I’ve googled every item I could bring on the plane. I’m still a paranoid freak though.
Then I started panicking about tickets and if everything I’ve scheduled is right. So, I sat here freaking out trying to find all the confirmations in the email. I can find almost all the tickets. So, we’re good there. The only tickets I don’t have yet are for the hockey game but it says those will be delivered by 12/27 so I’m assuming I won’t get them until the last minute. That stresses me out. I’m such a freak I even called and talked to the Grand Canyon people. We’re now confirmed and good to go. Though I think we were before I called. But what if the tour really didn’t go on Christmas? I had to call. I’d like the hockey tickets now to fully feel better. I’m still paranoid that something will go wrong. I shouldn’t have booked the Cirque du Soleil tickets for the day we fly in. What if our plane is delayed? Ugh.
I just keep repeating to myself it’ll be fine. It has to be and we will make it work. I still have that anxious feeling in my chest and gut though. I despise this part of me. I hate being an OCD planning psychopath. That’s me though.
I’ll feel better once I’m on the plane. Even if she goes wrong. It’ll be fine.
I like to have my house spotless when I leave and that’s been a struggle. I’m trying but with kids and dogs it’s rough. I had Jaylissa’s kids overnight last night and then Zak got here with his dog too. So it’s just been chaos. The kids are gone but having a puppy adds having a mess. Ugh.
Plus I’m stressed about this blanket I’m making so I’m just sitting here crocheting like a madman when I want to be scrubbing my house. I’m making Grace a blanket for her birthday. Her birthday is 1/19 so I figured I’d pull it off by then. Now she’s going to come stay with me on 1/12 as she wants to get tattoos together for her birthday and her day said okay. Which means I have a week less to pull it off. With going to Vegas and being gone for nearly a week I’m super paranoid I won’t be able to do it. And it isn’t optional. I have to get it done. I’m hoping I can somehow crochet two balls between today and Tuesday so I’ll at least be half done when I leave. We will see. Ugh. It’s not even an option. This blanket has to be done for her birthday. The kid gets let down too much for me not have her gift completed.
So yeah. There’s just so much stuff. So many people wanting something. My own overthinking. It’s just a lot.
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