yearly review in Sometimes I feel dead inside

i wake up to pain, i wake up feeling worse than when i went to sleep. no, that’s not true, i’m just tired. another year of my life is just about up. i still have no ambition, no goals, no dream. i do my job, i pay my bills, i make it through another day, another week, another year. this is not a pity party, this is not a bitter shoot, its just telling my side of the story. i guess i can go with the surface stuff, the things you tell strangers and those who you haven’t seen in a long time. i’m still working the same job i was a year ago. i still don’t mind it. i don’t hate it, i like my co-workers for the most part. i still haven’t really found a woman to be close to the way i was a little bit over a year ago with the girl who left my life. i still can’t hang with guy friends, i am slowly becoming a strange loner. i did start working out, which i was able to keep up with for the better part of the year. i’ve had a number of physical issues, i had pneumonia which took me out of action and caused me to lose a bunch of weight, not the good kind. i’ve recently injured my back which is making it impossible to work out. but i am going to continue once it doesn’t hurt a ton to get out of my bed or a chair. it sounds like an excuse, its just unfortunate for now. my dad gave me a talk about how i’m getting older and it might be time to get a family, seeing as there are no males to carry on the family name right now. i told him it was up to my brother as i had no intention of getting married anytime soon. its not that i couldn’t see myself doing that, just not with any woman in my life right now. i suppose its because the women in my life are poor choices. i don’t know. maybe i’m not trying hard enough. it really doesn’t matter. i haven’t really worked on music much since this year. which i keep saying i’ll do but then i don’t. i haven’t even been writing as much as i’d like to. its not a big deal just surprising to me that i’m not doing it. i want to get myself together, i want the focus i had when i was working out on the weekday. i feel like i’ve fallen into a.d.d. since. i will have to look at it and see what i can do. i think its because i don’t really feel like i have a story, at least not one i want to share with people. which is bizarre seeing as i hardly ever shut up. i also feel like i some how got tricked into this whole mess.

Last updated December 03, 2014