What did you do in 2025 that you’d never done before?
Cashed out my retirement fund, so I could survive until I got another job. Oh, and I left my federal government job, which I hadn’t anticipated doing for at least another three years.
Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. Especially now. At this point, I’m just waiting to see if society collapses before I make any real efforts to get my shit together. Because really, if I do get my shit together, if I do become the ultimate best version of myself, and then society turns into Mad Max, then what was the point? I have no illusions, I’m not going to survive societal collapse.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
Did anyone close to you die?
No.
Did anyone close to you get married?
Narp.
What countries did you visit?
None, but I did get my passport renewed, just before the state department went to hell. Gotta make sure I have an easy out, right?
What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?
At this point, another job. I only got $18,000 out of my retirement fund (and yes, that was the whole thing; it represented almost seven years of state and federal government employment), which went further than I expected, but it’s basically all gone now.
What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 25th: I left my job with the IRS.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I haven’t completely lost my mind. Just mostly.
What was your biggest failure?
Not getting another job, but after hearing how bad the job market is, and after hearing that the Department of Labor isn’t posting anything anymore, all I can really say is, I can’t say it’s a personal failure, so much as a systemic one. (I keep telling y’all, we are on the brink of an economic collapse that will make the Great Depression look absolutely adorable.)
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really.
What was the best thing you bought?
I didn’t really buy much this year, outside of absolute necessities.
Whose behaviour merited celebration?
The people who barricaded ICE and recorded them being a fucking Gestapo.
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Honestly, same answer as last year: Fart-sniffing, say-everything, do-nothing, know-nothing-know-it-all “leftists.” They screamed themselves hoarse about Palestine leading up to the election, and then when the Orange Shitgibbon was re-elected, they just… Stopped. Didn’t raise a stink about Israel violating the ceasefire. Didn’t volunteer to get on the flotilla. Haven’t done any fundraising or donating to Palestinian aid orgs. Just reposted pictures of dead Palestinian kids and called that “action.”
And do you know why that pisses me off? These were the same people who literally, without a second thought or moment of reflection, said “genocide is a hard line!” and refused to vote for Kamala Harris, who did eventually say she supported a ceasefire. And look, I agree that genocide is a hard line, and that Harris didn’t really commit to her words about the ceasefire, AND! When Palestinians said Trump would flatten Gaza, I LISTENED TO THEM. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: When the people living through a genocide tell you which elected leader will be worse for them, YOU, THE PERSON WITH THE VOTE AND WHO CLAIMS TO CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE, ARE OBLIGED TO LISTEN TO THEM, WHETHER OR NOT YOU AGREE WITH THEM. “Genocide is a hard line” does not include the caveat, “void where my ego isn’t being stroked.”
Actually, I’m going to make a prediction: Once this wave of fascism has crested, broken, and receded. Once Shitgibbon and Nutter Yahoo and Ben-Gvir have died, and the entire Israeli government has collapsed under the weight of its own bullshit (and more Millennials and Gen Z, who are almost unanimously opposed to Zionism and Palestinian occupation, are elected to world governments). Once Palestine is given statehood. Once all that has happened, Palestinians are going to put these fart-hotboxing “leftists” through their own Nuremberg, and they’re going to be judged, harshly, for their inaction and the fact that they dipped once it was “clear” Palestine was a “lost cause.” And they fucking deserve it. When that happens, I will bring the popcorn, because I so badly want to see these idiots crashing out like the Spanish princess at the end of Ever After. (Except she had a good reason for her crash-out.)
Where did most of your money go?
Basic living expenses.
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Very little.
What song will always remind you of 2024?
“Chinese Fire Horse” by Garbage.
Compared to this time last year, are you
Happier or sadder:
Angrier.
Older or wiser:
Well, older, definitely.
Thinner or fatter:
I lost some weight this year, so…
Richer or poorer:
Poorer.
What do you wish you’d done more of?
I honestly don’t know. Not having an income limits what you can do, fundamentally.
What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being unemployed, but again, job-searching is an absolute shit show right now, even if you’re like me and have years of experience, a degree, and a good work ethic.
How did you spend Christmas?
Hasn’t happened yet, but I’m going to be spending it at home with the cats, for a second year in a row. Don’t cry for me, I love it. No drama, no schedule to keep, no reason to get dressed, no arguments over what to watch and whether Die Hard¹ is a Christmas movie? And I get to eat whatever I want, whenever it’s ready? It’s an introvert’s paradise.
How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
At home, possibly zooted.
What was your favourite TV program?
Not sure. I don’t think I watched much of anything this year.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.
What was the best book you read?
Tigers Between Empires by Jonathan C. Slaght. It’s the true story of the 30-year program, jointly executed by the American and post-Soviet Russian governments, to track and protect Amur (Siberian) tigers in Russia’s far southeast and China’s far northeast. As I told my BFF when I was waiting at the airport the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, “It reads like the finest Russian novels.” Ecstasy, agony, and everything in between. Plus, tigers. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like tigers.
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Diana Ankudinova. My god, her voice.
What did you want and get?
Yankee candles on a steep discount. I have Santa On Skis open in my living room right now, and even without being lit, it has an amazing throw.
What did you want and not get?
Employment.
What was your favourite film of this year?
Meh.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37, and I did NoJoMo.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Shitgibbon choking to death on a hamberder. And his entire Cabinet being struck with Legionnaire’s disease from swimming in shit water.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2024?
“Fashion concept”? Don’t know her.
What kept you sane?
Mostly sertraline.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Amanda Seyfried.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Let’s not get into this right now. I don’t have the money for everyone’s booze and drugs.
Who do you miss?
My BFF.
Who was the best new person/people you met?
My team from Vermont HireAbility. I think a lot of you probably know this as Vocational Rehab, or VocRehab, which helps disabled people get jobs, through connections and training, and also supports them in the workplace by securing accommodations. I don’t need much in the way of accommodation, but if I want to break into tech, and more specifically cybersecurity, I definitely need more training and education.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024:
It’s okay to ask for help. (Yes, I know; I should have learned it sooner. Unlearning hyper independence takes a long time, that’s all I can say.)
A quote that sums up your year:
“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like [Donald Trump] right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on [1600 Pennsylvania Avenue] with all the other [billionaires], and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! HALLELUJAH! HOLY SHIT! Where’s the Tylenol?”
¹Die Hard is, in fact, a Christmas movie. It takes place on Christmas Eve, at a corporate Christmas party, there’s a big-ass Christmas tree, McClane is trying to see his kids for Christmas, AND it features Dean Martin’s version of “Let It Snow” over the credits! Not to mention “Christmas in Hollis” in the opening, the big-ass teddy bear McClane brought as a gift, and the fact that people are saying “Merry Christmas” over and over. Die Hard is a Christmas movie, period. Arguments to the contrary will be disregarded.
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