It’s going to be a long week this week. Sometimes I think I just sit here and do literally nothing. Why do I think that? It’s like any downtime at all and I’m suddenly thinking I have all this free time and I can’t handle being alone with my thoughts or overthinking for that long. In reality, I really don’t have that much free time when I sit down and think about it & my schedule.
I’ll work my normal 45+ hours at my day job this week. I’m scheduled at the cafe for 20 hours between Wednesday/Thursday nights and Saturday opening. Tonight I had Shooting Education sign-ups I had to run. Tomorrow night I have a lash appointment. Literally I’ll have a little bit of free time Friday night, maybe Saturday night and Sunday morning. Most of that free time will likely be spent sleeping. Yeah, it’s a little bit of a crazy week. Then come January my shooting program will be Sunday/Tuesday nights until mid-April. I should have been enjoying me “free-time” it appears.
Shooters Education sign-ups when decent tonight. I can take up to 48 kids and ended the evening at 44 kids. I’ve got 2 that already asked about late sign-ups. So, I’m sure we’ll be full by 1/4 and if not 44 kids ages 8-15 is plenty for me.
The night had a sad gloom over it though. One of the coaches and his son (15) arrived for sign-ups. I ask how they’ve been and he flatly responds with “Not good, we lost Jody (wife) Friday night.” All I could do was stare. My mind was spinning. “Yeah, she got stung by a bee while working at the hospital.”. Ummm, you lost her but they got her back right? I just kept thinking she’d been stung a ton and they always got her back. As I couldn’t believe this. “No, she’s gone.” I sat silently for a minute and finally said I didn’t even know what to say. He replied there was nothing really to say. All while his son stands silently. This was 48 hours before this moment. They’d just lost their wife/mom. The primary breadwinner for their family. Wtf do you even say to that. There are literally no words.
My heart breaks for them. My next thought - What do you need? Nothing, we’re okay. No, you’re not. I’m sure you don’t know what to ask for and I honestly don’t know what to offer right now. Everyone rushes to feed you. But what else is there? Eventually he says he might need the contact number for this place for a memorial service. He isn’t sure as he’s never planned one before. Okay, starting point. I can do that much. He’s obviously in shock. They’ve got to be. I’d be sobbing if I was in their shoes.
I really enjoyed his wife too. We’d gotten to know her pretty well through shooting. She was always amazing and so nice and friendly. When Jeni had the baby last year she was our anesthesiologist during her c-section and was so compassionate when it came to the meds. She was soothing in a high stress situation. I mentioned she could teach yoga or meditation with how calm her voice stayed through it all. She’d told us then she’d just been life flighted over a bee sting and how allergic she was. Never did I think it would cut her life short. They were literally just moving to Alaska and had just found a house and listed theirs - Why Alaska? Because it was one of the only states that didn’t have the wasps she was so deathly allergic too. It was just too late. Who plans to get stung in November in Montana or North Dakota though? There was literally snow on the ground. The wasps should have been dead. She should have been safe for the winter. So freaking sad. My heart hurts. It really shows you how fragile life really is. We’re all just one moment away from the end.
So yeah, that’s kind of added a darkness to the night. Nobody knew and I’d say we’re probably all some of their closer friends since they moved to this area. I’m not sure he’s told anyone. Pure shock. I’ll probably reach out later this week and offer to do something. Help with an obituary. Plan a service. I have no idea. They have no local family as they moved here for her job a couple years ago from somewhere down South.
It’s just been a long day overall and I’m praying sleep comes easy tonight. Last night was awful. So awful. I fear tonight will be even worse.
Did two interviews for work today. Promoted my Lead Case Manager but I still need to make the official offer I guess and then tell the runner up he wasn’t selected. I hate these kinds of conversations. Like suck at them. Worst part of supervising is the tough conversations and letting people down. I need to just rip off the bandaid and get it over with. Yuck. The thought makes me anxious. I really need to explain WHY he didn’t get the position so he knows how to improve in my opinion. Yet, I don’t want to be like - Hey, you’re never on time and don’t set a good example. Maybe I’ll AI it. Everyone else does.
Then I did a regular case manager interview. It was… awful. Seriously, sweet woman but NOT a good fit for our position. Filling this position in that location sucks. Badly. I’ve asked my boss if we can relocate that position to the other side of the state where the wage is better received. They’re looking into it but our contract with the State says we have to have a presence there. So, I probably won’t win even though it’s a huge waste of time. We don’t pay enough for that city to ever hire someone decent. Hell, Arby’s and the grocery store pay more. However, that’s largely because of the growth with everyone wanting to move there and it’s a big college town. This side of the state the same wage is okay. Not great but far better and I get far better quality applicants. So, we will just wait and see what they decide I guess and I’ll keep interviewing anyone that’s ever taken a breath or had a heart beat. It’s just… frustrating. For sure.
So yeah, today mostly sucked. For real. Tomorrow will be better. It’s got to be.
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