Yesterday was tough, so I gave myself grace about the job search and just put a halt to it for the day.
Turns out, I needed a LOT of grace for myself!
I decided to leave early for my appointment since I had plenty of time off work (ha), and I like to arrive early to these kinds of appointments so I can take a walk in the park (there’s always a park close by for some reason) and clear my head before any procedures.
As I was leaving and actually pulling out of my garage, my dermatologist called me personally - not his scheduler or even one of the assistants, but the doctor himself. And he told me if I came in early, he’d be able to take care of me earlier. I told him it was perfect and I’d be there 30 minutes early.
So I had just enough time to get some gas before I took the 30-minute drive to the dermatologist’s office. I stopped at my local mini-mart gas station and started filling up. While the tank was filling, I went inside to get a gas station coffee for my drive. Paid for my coffee, went back outside, and drove off…
WITH THE PUMP NOZZLE STILL ATTACHED TO MY CAR!!
YOU GUYS. I have always had that strange fear of being that person who drives off with the pump still attached! I have thought about what idiots those people are. And I wondered how anyone could forget to detach the hose and screw the gas cap back on!
Well, now I can see how. I had so many things on my mind: traffic, job, insurance, this growing cancer, people who suck, lunch, what am I going to do…etc. etc.
So I slammed on the brakes and got out of the car to see the damage. And lo and behold, the hottest Fire and Rescue guy just happened to be at the next pump!
He sort of chuckled and said to me, “Good thing those hoses were made to detach!”
I was mortified! I told him that I have always had the biggest fear that I’d be that loser who drives away with the gas hose attached.
He said it was no big deal, just wrap the detached hose around a pole nearby and go inside and tell the attendant.
And he gave me the biggest smile. I thanked him for his service, went inside and told the guy, and it was like no big deal at all! I guess this happens all the time!
And when I came back outside, Mr. Fire and Rescue was still there. I thanked him again and he said, “Back in the day, people used to forget, and they’d drive off, dragging the whole gas pump! And that’s why they make them to break away like this.”
Anyway, everyone was so nice and understanding and off I went to the derm’s office.
And I still ended up getting there 30 minutes early.
Too bad it was no help.
Even though the dermatologist had called me personally, nobody else in that office knew WTF was going on or which was was up!
I finally got called back from the waiting room almost the same time I was already supposed to be there, and then when I talked with the assistant, it was like I’d never been to this office a dozen or more times already! She asked me questions like I didn’t have any history there! It was weird. I was like, “the doc knows I’m coming, and he knows I’m having a procedure today…”
And she just gave me a blank stare. Okayyyy.
THEN, many minutes later, because this is a teaching hospital, in walks a 4th year med student who was even more clueless!!!
And this one worried me the most because she wanted to give me a whole body check when I was like…why are you looking at anything other than this GIGANTIC TUMOR ON MY ARM!!! I am here to have it REMOVED TODAY! That is the only reason I’m here.
She gave it one look and said, “Oh, that looks like it’s going to require Moh’s surgery.”
I was like, um, ma’am. I have an appointment to have this removed today. Here. In this office. By Dr. N. He personally called me to ask me to come in early because he is removing it by excision today. NOW. TODAY.
And she also just gave me a blank stare.
Jesus.
When she left the room, I had to take an extra Mother’s Little Helper to help me relax. I’d already recently gone down a rabbit hole of squamous cell carcinoma, where I’d discovered that it’s actually more deadly than melanoma!!! WHAT.
ANYWAY. Getting there early did not help. Talking to these clueless med students and assistants did not help.
The ONLY thing that saved the day was my badass doctor kicking ass, taking names, and taking care of business with this motherfucking gigantic squamous cell lump!
He came in, guns blazing, had me move to another room that was already set up for the procedure. Had another doctor numb me up, he came in, swiftly cut that sum bitch out, stitched me up lickety-split, and bandaged me right up!!
I can’t tell you how good that made me feel, regardless of the giant gash now in my arm. All I wanted was that thing OUT. And he did it. Thank you, Doc. N!!
I also asked him what I can do to prevent this shit from cropping up. While there’s no absolute prevention - I’m getting these skin cancers because of sun damage over the years. But he did give me some information on a supplement called Nicotinamide, which has been shown to decrease the risk of recurring basal and squamous cell carcinomas moving forward.
I spent the rest of the day recovering from my valium overdose. Haha. Took myself on a nice walk in the sunshine, then to lunch, sent a few texts, then went home and took a glorious nap.
And here we are today. I am having a slow morning, about to go workout - lower body only with no weights because I’m not supposed to do anything strenuous with my arm.
Then hit the job research hard. I did try to Link In with all of the folks I talked to at the company that interviewed me, and still crickets. So I’ve lost hope in that one, but there’s always the next ones!!
Please, please keep sending the good vibes! I deserve them! And if you’re hate-reading for some reason, I’m going to use any negative energy you send my way as energy nonetheless. Any energy is ENERGY!
Here we go, Wednesday.
GS
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