I Am Thinking? in Me Being Me

Why is it I was writing here everyday even when I don’t have much to say? I have found that no one leaves notes most times so why bother? And unless I see people write here by the icon on the top left I don’t read many others because I have a hell of a time remebering who is who and then spelling their id’s so I just don’t Like right now I have 18 people who have written but for the most part I don’t recognize them so I just read what I see.
But the sad thing is when I ask a question and I don’t get an answer then I feel like I have asked a stupidquestion and no one really cares what I ask or say. That’s okay it just shows how much you really care. I know there isn’t much that I care about anymore and the older I get the less I care and I figure what is good for the goose is better for the gander and that is how I see things.
Anyways people will never change and the older they get the less they care. It’s like how they say the older they get the less the deterent of life in prison is an issue.
It’s funny that after a person is gone or dies how we really don’t think about them that much. I know that I think about the people who I have deleted out of my life and I remeebr just how toxic they were. And as for the people I care about I do miss them but I can’t do much about it. They say it’s really differnt when your parents die but I have not experianced that yet but I know in a few years I will. I am just not sure which parent will die first. I know when I went to my grandmothers funeral I cried becasue I realized that I was a horrible granddaughter and I should have been a better one.
There is just so much wrong with me that I figure why bother being close to anyone or even calling them. I have two anunts and if I send them an e-mail twice a year that is alot for me. I use to call them and talk to them all the time but then they would tell my mom things that I wanted to be kept between just is so I stopped calleg them and e-mailing them and they really don’t know why I stopped. But then they don’t care really. My mom;s sister and I use to meet for lunch but I always had to travel more then 30 minutes to be with her and she always told me she had no idea how to get to where I was living. So I just stoped seeing her. And now she is having all these medicle issues and my mom tells me and not her. And as for the rest of my family I don’t talk to them because with my brother is very rarly answers my calls or even calls me back so I figure he just doesn’t want to talk to me. But then I never tell him anything because he really doesn’t care that much and he never ever asks me to come for a meal or go to his home. And he doesn’t travel to where I live because he is either too stupid or too lazy to listen to the directions or use a map. The only place he will travel is where he lives and that is it. Everywhere else he travels with my parents or his life partner. And I find him to be stuck up and arrogant and I don’t like that. And he nevr tells me anything that he is doing in life and he really doesn’t care what I say or do. I am not even sure if he really likes me and as for his life partner he always tells me we will all have a meal but then we never do. Maybe once a year if that.
Anyways..Life is life and the people I actually care about I keep close and have a really good relationship with and we do spend time with each other.