Yesterday my friends and I (see previous entry for the description and details of my friends) went to see my mom for her birthday (and celebrate mine too, sort of…meh).
First of all, I rode in Sally and Pig Pen’s rental car with Pig Pen driving. He even drives like a dick. Please excuse my descriptions, but goddamn it, he’s a motherfucker. He’s one of those MAGA country bumpkins who normally drives a big-ass muthafuckin truck and acts like a big-dick on the highway. Yeah, you know the ones. Anyway, the rental car is some kind of VW sort of SUV kind of thing, and of course, Pig Pen has to act like he knows WTF he’s doing and starts that super fast weaving in and out of traffic like a badass that he thinks he is.
Little does he know that every motherfucker out here drives like that in their REAL big trucks and not only that, they will SHOOT your ass if you pull those kinds of stunts. He even did a thing when another car speeded up next to us like, “oh, it’s on…” and kinda peeled out and tried to drag race this dude. Jesus fucking christ.
At one point, we were about 10 minutes into the hour drive, and I flat-out turned to him (I was the co-pilot) and said, “If you’re going to drive like this, you can turn the car around now and take me back to the Airbnb. I’ll drive myself to my parents’ place. Because this is NOT COOL.”
So yeah. That’s how the trip started.
It was downhill from there.
My mom is not doing well. I don’t think she really knew what was going on. She ordered a corn dog and French fries from the kids menu when we got to the restaurant. This was for her 83rd BIRTHDAY LUNCH! And my dad does this thing where he just talks and talks to fill up the space with words because my mom’s not really talking.
The house is in a shambles. It breaks my heart, but this is what’s going on now. They have a new person who’s coming in three days a week for home care, but she’s leaving the place absolutely filthy. I’ve decided to go behind the scenes and get in touch with the facility who’s managing this new person, because she’s NOT doing her job!!
And the kicker is, I looked at my mom’s fingers before we left. She was not wearing her wedding rings. In the place of those rings was another ring that is not her style at all. Like, a kind of clunky, chunky-ish ring that she’d never put on her hands.
I asked where her wedding rings were and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I’ve never worn wedding rings!”
And that’s when I knew we were in trouble. Those rings are everything. There’s a whole beautiful story behind them which I’ll write about later. And this may sound selfish and horrible of me, but mom has promised me those rings for years and years. When she was of right mind, she told me she wanted me to have them and they were the ONLY possessions of either of my parents that I wanted to keep for the rest of my life.
So I interrupted my dad’s jabbering and asked about mom’s rings. Of course, he told me that he hadn’t been paying attention but he’d noted that she hasn’t been wearing her rings over the last few weeks and didn’t really think much of it.
So I asked mom if it was okay if I went and looked in her jewelry chest and she said yes. She has this exquisite stand-up jewelry box where she keeps all of her costume jewelry neatly (the neatest thing in the house) and lovingly put together. She’s not a fancy jewelry person, but she loooovvves her costume jewelry.
I did find the tiny band that she’d had made and stacked with the wedding solitaire ring, but not the actual wedding ring. I looked as much as I could before we had to leave and I told my brother, who sort of faked walked around in “despair” and tried to fake look for it.
But their goddamn house is utter chaos. It’s messy and cluttered and poor mom doesn’t know which way is up! And now she doesn’t even remember having RINGS! And nobody in that house pays a lick of attention.
I believe that one of three things has happened, and trust me, I’m worst-case scenario-ing this, but I’m fucking upset:
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My fucking dumbass brother has pawned her precious ring (which, truthfully, I don’t seriously think he did because I don’t think he pays enough attention to my mom’s “stuff” in that way - but I could be sadly right here).
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The new caretaker “traded” rings with my mom because the ring that’s on her finger now is absolutely NOT my mom!!
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It’s just lost somewhere in the chaos of the house. Dad doesn’t notice because he’s too busy trying to take care of every fucking thing in that house, including mom and himself.
But it feels like it might be time for me to figure out how to step in. Dad keeps saying he’s going to take care of it and has asked me NOT to intervene, but this is the last straw. I’ve almost completely lost hope in the keepsake of the ring itself because the chances of getting the ring(s) at this point are almost moot.
I just don’t want to see my parents go in a mountain of clutter!
And I don’t feel like hanging with these “friends” anymore. I can take my sweet childhood friend, but not her husband.
I’m beside myself.
Oh, and to top it off, I’m not really even thinking about this, but this morning I’m up before the sun because I’m getting my 4-year colon cancer CT scans: chest, pelvis, abdomen. And I’m so worked up, I feel like I can’t even properly worry about them!!
I think I’m going to drink this last coffee (can’t have anything 4-hours prior to the scans) and meditate on it all.
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Am I not helping my parents enough? How to step in respectfully yet effectively without moving myself closer to them (can’t stand to even be inside that house of chaos)? How do I honor my precious parents while kicking some ass?
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How do I continue to “host” my friends on the last couple days of their trip here without spending so much time with them? I’ve promised another sight-seeing event tomorrow after my doc appointment, but we have to get on the highway for about 45 minutes there and another 45 minutes back and I fucking can’t stand to even listen to this Pig Pen dude.
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Will my scans be negative through all of this? Am I still in remission? Am I still healthy and thriving? I am praying so fucking hard.
Okay. Time to think.
XO
GS
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