8:06 am
10/10/25
During break one of the girls that works for me started telling me about her church. Somehow that ended up with her telling me her family problems. Sweet girl. I told her that I live alone so I can’t relate to family problems.
She asked me what’s it like to live on my own. I thought about that all night.
It’s fun. Sometimes it SUCKS. But I have my cats and they always make me laugh. Right now I have one by my head, on up against my left knee, and the 3rd cat is in that spot under my arm up against my ribs and right hip.
I can’t help but laugh. They love me no matter what. It doesn’t matter that I’m a piece of shit. It doesn’t matter that I bring home two 18s and fuck. Best time of my life.
But a friend found out and said that I’m disgusting. They threw out the ‘p’ word. Tell me you’re mad you ain’t getting blown by an 18 year old without telling me you’re mad. It’s the same shit when you hear some old ass lady (fuck, I mean my age) complaining about a guy her age smashing an 18-30 year old.
It’s just for fun!! There’s no long term goal when you hook up with someone younger. I don’t call her or her friend my girlfriend, or girlfriends. I smashed her and her friend, but the one with the joker smile is my favorite.
To be real, I WISH we had something. I WISH I could wake up and look at her every day for the rest of my life, but I can’t.
So I am enjoying what I have right now.
There are plenty of girls my age that I like but I am no good to them. I’m not making enough. I don’t have a house. I’m not tall enough. I don’t have a car. A bunch of bullshit and the 18 year old is all, who needs a car when you can Uber? True.
And they don’t think I’m dumb for wanting a motorcycle.
There are no ridiculous expectations. Except on my end. Because I want more. But this is all I get and…
That’s fine.
I like waking up with her. I like having naps with her. I like the way she smiles. But I get the feeling that her friend likes me as much as I like her friend.
Or she’s bad. She came up to me and asked me if there was anything she could help me with. When she said it, she did this weird look and she closed her eyes and I wanted to go, STOP IT! CUT IT OUT! I got all dumb and was all ugghh, oo, ah, what?? No. Go back to your area.
Not even my best friend knows and when I see her, I want to tell her but, yeah. It wouldn’t go over well.
What I do on my own time is my business.
I walked by, let’s call her Joker because her smile reminds me of the Joker. Gorgeous teeth and these gorgeous brown eyes. I walked by her and she told one of the girls that she likes older guys. It was hard not looking back at her and having that, you talking about me expression.
This is why I’m so, not sad and not happy. It’s like, I am, but it’s hollow. Like when you sigh on a cold day.
It’s like I want to be happy, and I am, but I am not.
Does that make sense? What is it?
I don’t know man. I know that I like it and…
I should go to bed. Work was a disaster and I expect to get yelled at via text or something.
I like to make executive decisions without getting permission. I’m like a wild child at work. Why did you do this? Because I thought it was the right thing to do. Don’t go making these decisions on your own without consulting us. Then when I ask if it’s okay because I see a loop hole, I’m told to follow the guidelines set by our boss. When there’s room for interpretation I get lost. Like today. What am I supposed to do with 3,000 bottles of plastic when I was told cans and mini cans when there are plastic bottles????
Well, I filled up a giant section of the warehouse with plastic bottles. Nothing but a giant wall of plastic.
I told one of my employees that I now understand why our last boss was always so grumpy.
I’m not. I just expect to get yelled or told in doing it wrong when the directions are not clear enough. Don’t leave gaps. Cuz I like my freedom.
Fuck.
I totally expect to get yelled at when I wake up.
But this is why having a beautiful blonde sending you cute photos of herself and her pussy make it all, not that bad.
Still can’t believe how wonderful it felt to wake up with her.
It is right on up there with that one time I was dancing with Alyssa. She’s the girl who killed my cat Alex. I remember the day because it was beautiful. Like how I woke up with my hand on Jokers pussy.
What was the Alyssa memory that was as good as Jokers pussy?
I was getting ready for work. I worked at Banana Republic and I had this thing where I’d dance with Alyssa before going to work. I told her that it made my day. I remember the way her dress shirt felt. It was white. She had on black dress pants that showed off her ass. “Title and registration” by Death Cab was playing and I remember sinking my face into her shirt and just feeling her. She was 19. Fuck I have a history!! And I was way older than her.
But it felt nice…safe.
She smelled amazing and I just held her. That made me tear up. So now when I play that song or it randomly comes on, it takes me back to that time. Like the song says, our love did fade.
Jokers pussy was like that. But it’s just for fun.
Don’t fall in love. I did tell Alyssa and ever she told me that she’s just in it for the fun and that it won’t last. Even the girl that killed my cat is smarter than me.
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