unspoken in 2014

7:32pm

It is so beautiful outside right now. Calm, cool breeze flowing through the clear night atmosphere. sigh If I were really feeling up to it, I would totally go sit outside in the dark. That sounds quite tempting at the moment, but I lack the motivation to be out there on my own.
[ It would, however, be a perfect night to be out on Ck’s porch though ;) ]

I’m really into a bunch of new country music today. Except, or maybe because of, the fact that a ton of the lyrics seem to apply directly to my life situation at the moment. Funny how that happens. Every song leads right to that one thing. hmm. Trying not to get caught up in it. Although the music is pretty amazing!

We went out to lunch with Melissa yesterday. That was so nice. She called early in the morning to confirm the Chinese food meeting. :) She called us the day after I mentioned it to J. Did I talk about him hanging out here? I haven’t been writing much so I’m not sure what’s been mentioned.

I think it was last Friday that I was outside making the car all pretty before my trip. After I was done with the car I still had some soap left so I went to work on the truck. It’s been sitting there [since we still haven’t taken it to get looked at and my “mechanic” forgot to stop by] and was super covered in dust. I was embarrassed to even look at it. So I just grabbed the hose, sprayed it down, and carried the bucket around as I swiped the sponge across it for a quick dirt-removing remedy.

Anyway, I was working on that when I saw M/J’s big car pulling up to the neighbors. I figured it would only be a matter of seconds before the kids came running over. At the exact same moment, my mom came walking outside to see what I was up to. Turns out J was running some errands and Melissa had stayed at home with the kids. She was having a bad day so he volunteered to help her where he could, and was even going to pick up some flowers for her before he left. [Where the heck do I find me a cowboy like that?!?]

He ended up coming over to say hi and I quit my work so that I wouldn’t miss out on the conversation. And he stayed for a really long time. That’s the longest conversation we’ve ever had with him on his own. He has so many stories. I wish he talked more. Or we had more time to spend with them to hear all these amazing things. The crazy life of a retired bull rider. hah.

It was really awesome to hang out and talk with him though. We must have been out there for like an hour and a half. Just standing in the drive-way talking about the move, and life, and all that good stuff. It’s interesting to hear how he feels about things since he usually differs to Melissa, or says he’s happy as long as she is.

But yeah. Back to yesterday. Melissa met us at the restaurant and told us all about the moving plans. She showed us pictures of the land in Montana they’re trying to buy. It looks amazing! The views, and the hills, and all the green grass. If I wanted to go visit Montana before, now my motivation’s about a thousand times stronger. [ I’m still mostly refusing to think about the fact that those three little tornadoes are going to be so far away from us =( ] She also told us about how little B always comes to town and asks if they’re going to stop over to see us. And then loudly complains if they hit the freeway again and we weren’t seen. Awww! My heart melts. I mean that little guy can barely talk. I figured we weren’t making much of a difference in his young life.

That whole lunch was fantastic. I really do love that family. I told Melissa that I really hoped they wouldn’t leave before I got back. She said she didn’t think so and I’ve got my fingers crossed that they don’t just up and leave.

I’m excited to go. I mean I want to see Marie’s little guy, I want to hang out with my brother, and I want to be around people my own age for a while [possibly drinking! and laughing!]. But we’re pretty busy at work and I’m worried about missing out and/or being needed. Also maybe missing out on the last few days of the J gang being in town. And Ck who has no idea what he’s doing yet.

You know how I wrote all that stuff in my last entry. Living with the choices I made and all that. Then the very next day [yesterday] CK waltzes into my office door out of nowhere. He hasn’t been around the office in months. When I looked up and saw him walking up to the door, I sorta froze. I didn’t know what to do other than plaster a big ol’ smile on my face and say hi.

See, no one seems to know anything about our extensive text message conversations. I don’t mention it to my mom because it’s something I don’t want to get teased about and kinda want to have to myself. It seems like he doesn’t tell anyone either. [M didn’t even mention anything about my going over to their place, which I assume means Ck didn’t tell them] It’s kind of weird in the sense that if no one else were around I’m sure we’d be talking all about the apple pie and beer experiment, but we don’t say anything. Like neither one of us even hints at the fact that we’re talking about things.

So he came in, said hi, and talked about how it would probably be rude to walk on by and not stop in. I checked my phone right after he left and had an unread text. I ended up texting back and forth with him for the rest of the afternoon, even though we both clearly knew he was sitting in the building next door. He was still there when we left at 6, but he said he had to go to his dad’s that evening. I told him our pie and beer would have to wait until I got back from Seattle. Hopefully that’ll happen. =)

Mom had asked him if he was going to move to Montana and I stood up from my chair, and just did the smile/nod thing while I pretended not to know anything about his plans. He didn’t stay that long. But I definitely found it interesting that he would show up right after that entry. That always seems to happen with him when I make definitive decisions about our situation. He shows up and I get all thrown off balance.

I mean, I still don’t think that we would be anything more than friends. He’s young, we were raised in completely different situations, we have very different views of the world, and I’m still not like all about that. I don’t even know why I’m saying this right now. Too much vodka? hah.

I have so much to do. Mow the lawn, clean my spaces, pack all my stuff, go to work, and start prepping to be out of town for a while.

Now though, bed is the best option.

rose.
11:23pm

Last updated November 24, 2014