Has suddenly entered my life. I feel giddy. Smiling like a kid who just found out she could have a horse.
Spontaneous joy and giggles erupt for seemingly no reason. I feel joy like it has never left since I fell in love with the world before I was born.
I have found myself releasing ALL the tension - recognizing old patterns which dampen that spontaneous playfulness into dull and serious fear or anxiety. I feel so amused! To recognize that mere attention can do so much for the organic feeling that I experience in my body.
I feel tugs and nudges of sadness-resentment- and anger, that I should not be expressing such joy in such an “unsafe” and “cruel” world. What right do I have to burden those who do worry, to worry more, about me? I smile at the thought. I feel recognition of a past pattern, but choose to be fully present, now, not to focus on fanciful burdens or how things might work out.
I am strongly reminded of my experience last year when I was spontaneously urged to enter an expensive class that I did not have resources for. Either financial, time, or emotional. I did it anyway. The pure joy I felt in that act was both unexpected and, amazing. It’s the same feeling I have now. Does not God clothe and feed the birds? Why should I think of clothing and feeding any more than them? And I know that this is the way I am supposed to operate, after all.
Yes, I did just make a purchase once again that I have no idea how it will be paid for. And yet, I know it will. Just like the courses and materials and time and my own emotional state were taken care of last year. Without any worry from me, it is all accounted for. I know this is too; even though it hasn’t happened in my very small slice of time perception, it has already been taken care of.
And that is amazing.
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