2:51 am
9/25/25
Katelyn is back with her ex. Someone told me to unfollow her but I, she crossed my mind. I was watching her get off with her vibrator and thought, had she posted anything new? I saw all the videos she sent me and I thought, I was nothing. I didn’t matter. Just like all those losers on love after lock up and 90 day fiancee. Did I spell that correctly?
The day was spent in bed. I played some Helldivers 2, ran to the store to get a money order. See I have this bad habit of buying my rent money order slip and never turning it in on time. I’ll think I did only to see it on my fridge with a dry eraser board saying, rent, pay, and arrows. But do I ever? FUCK NO!!
It just blends into the mess of my apartment.
I never did clean anything. I was hungry and I wanted that poor Mexican dish. It’s eggs with hotdog sausages. I just made it before laying down and looking at her Snapchat saves. Two months and it meant nothing.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s true that men love more than women.
I didn’t go to work today. But I also requested it off two months ago.
The sad part is that, I’m now thinking about killing myself. I’m tired. Tired of being lonely. There’s a difference between being alone and lonely. I like being alone, but I don’t like being lonely.
Then that sets me off on some crazy rabbit hole and I’ll wonder if I should just give up and go for the next girl that is three times my size and doesn’t like to shower. Like that one guy on that 90 day show where he only liked her 55 percent. Except no one is giving me any money.
You can’t say I’m not ugly. You can’t say hot the gym because after two years and being in the best shape of my entire life; it got me no one.
It doesn’t count when you want to be serious and they want to have fun. It doesn’t count if you give them money. It doesn’t count if no one can know.
With my luck I’ll get my cute girlfriend and she ends up as a killer and I die. I’ve been watching too many crazy girl shows. Sometimes I want someone, and sometimes I’m all I want to live.
It maybe a side effect of not taking my y medication over the last four days.
I’m going to say that’s the reason I am feeling this way. It would explain why I thought I was seeing bad spirits and shadows all over the place. Actually, that MAY be what’s causing this. But I’ll take it tomorrow and hope for the best.
Go back to normal.
The voices too.
I seem to only come here when I am off my medication. I’ve noticed that. Sor when I miss a few days and shit gets weird. I should probably go to bed.
When I wake up I’ll start my healthy diet and hot the gym on my days off. Or use the broken gym at my apartment and then go to work.
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