9:16 am The song "Runaway" by Mr. Little Jeans is so good. The guitar intro.... Oof. I'm laying here, on my blanket, that's on the floor. I want to buy furniture but this place smells. I have a dog neighbor and they must keep their dogs by my living room wall. So their fucking dog smells seeps into my living room. That gross dog smell that all dogs have. At least with a cat, you can melt some wax melts and they'll smell like that. I took Bella out for a walk and was all, what the fuck is that smell??? Why's it smell like wax melts outside??? It genuinely annoyed and intrigued me. It was my cat.
Same with my backpack.
They'll cover the smell the first two days and then it's back. I don't want my furniture to smell like that.
I like dogs, but the same way people like kids. I like them way over there, but I don't want any of my own. Maybe if I had a house. Just one. One kid and one dog. Maybe two kids so my DNA can go on. But unfortunately, no one wants me and I'm old as fuck.
Can you believe that I'm almost 50. At least I'm in pretty good health.
I feel my knees finally starting to go out. It could be from sitting on the floor too. I lay down and I feel all these bones in my spine pop and I'll feel a slight drop. Probably getting all aligned as I lay on the floor?
I'd like someone, but I'm not looking. I was writing about this and how I'm in that state where you don't care and you're not sad.
I also don't feel like talking to anyone. Someone on here said that they'd listen to me and send me Instagram reels, but now I don't have anything to talk about. Like I have no need right now.
I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. What sucks is being alone and lonely.
A lady at work told me that he son is all sad over a girl at work. I told her to tell him to stop. Never date at work and she wasn't getting it. He wants to talk to her and find out why she cut him off. She's 19. Because she's 19. Let her get some other dick. You get them when they're all used up. Few will stay, few want a relationship, and dating in general is the worst. But she can quickly send him to HR and I had to tell her that he can talk to her outside of work.
But she didn't get it and was all but he wants closure. Cool. Get it outside of work. Work is for WORK.
But at 19, he ain't there for a career like me and every other old fart.
There are a few girls at work that I THINK are pretty. But none of them know I exist. Maybe on a ugly level, where they see me and avoid me. Let's go with that.
I won't lie. I tried talking to one and she just gave me this mean annoyed look.
A few minutes later I saw her with some other guy being all cute. That weird thing girls do where they try to be cute. Goofy? They do weird crap. Like laugh out loud over something dumb, like standing, and then playfully shoving them.
Love isn't for me.
I told my boss that I am married to my work. Even if she did like me, I wouldn't have asked her out. That's the sad truth.
She also plays murder podcasts. Like stories about guys killing people. That has to be a red flag.
I got a case for my Switch games. It should be here today. I'd like to get a Switch 2 but it's falling apart. The joy cons break and half the games I have don't even work right. Borderlands 3 is having a lot of issues on it. Plus my OLED switch is brand new.
I shop when I am sad. And right now I want to buy something. Maybe some new shoes? A 150cc moped? I don't know.
I want to ask my landlord if I can tint my windows. Then hang up LED lights. That's what I want to do.
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