She is no longer with us. in psycho shit

She is dead.
Sitting on a bar and have started to get drunk. She jumped in front of a train yesterday night.
I know she was the only one I have truly been in love with. The only one I have ever lived with.
Now she is no longer with us.
This time she finally did it.
Did not know I would react this way. I did not even know I could.
Keep getting memories in my head about her. She was so damn fucking incredible beautiful when I met her first time. I feel empty.
I said I would never leave her when she woke up, after the first suicide attempt. About a year later I did just that. I left her.
When I evicted her from the flat, the last thing I remember taking down from her wall was the bird picture I draw to her. She kept it on her alter.
I killed her.