6:47 am She gives me a reason... That's what we all say. Fuck, I hate feeling this way. Katelyn blocked my stalking account. The other girl I bought nudes from is living her life. She messaged me two weeks ago saying that she'll sell to me again. Then deleted me. I may have fallen for her at that time, when she was selling to me.
Now I just feel hollow and ugly.
I fell into another depression saga and ate, and ate, AND ATE. Like a lot of food. The 10 pounds that I lost over the past month or two have all, well they came back. I'm at 180 pounds.
This past Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were spent at the gym. I'll run to the gym and back. Sometimes I'll run half way back home. I can now run a mile without stopping in 10/11 minutes. It's not great, but it's something.
I wish this feeling would go away. That hollow sad feeling. I hate being single.
Did I mention Alyssa? The girl that killed my cat sent me a message a while back. She replied to something I sent her two, almost three years ago. She's back in town, living with her ex husband who wants her to do sexual favors in exchange for money. Money to pay her car note and insurance.
Here I thought I was having it bad. She said that she hasn't fucked him and I made the joke to throw him some so he can stop being a dick. Christian dude my ass. See this is why I don't trust them or believe in that shit. It's like if I want to meet the devil, I just have to find a Christian.
I'm tired of feeling like this. Why does it hurt so much?
It's loneliness. I like being alone, but I don't like being lonely. Those are two completely different things.
No one messages me. No one does anything. There is no one in my life. I'm too ugly and too old. Too poor.
When I need someone to talk to, I have no one. When something good happens to me, I have no one to share it with. It's just me.
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