So i'm sitting staring into the void (also known as my computer) sort of like this at about 430 almost about ready to play HSR/ZZZ and ME2:
When all of a sudden I get a ping on facebook messenger. I thought it was my friend Rhiannon who is really the only one who uses that and I see a GIGANTIC WALL OF TEXT.. here its from my ex gf from 25 years ago. The wall of text basically said "I had a lot of undiagnosed mental health issues, I treated you horribly and I'm sorry" I had to read it about 3 or 4 times before I replied. I accepted the apology, but this relationship 25 years ago was super toxic, and she was so emotionally abusive its not even funny and it really shaped how i feel about relationships to this day.. this woman did these things to me: (and these are the things I remember I probably suppressed a lot of them)
Called me many names like worthless and garbage, she had many anger issues.
She was SUPER SUPER MONDO NEEDY and SUPER CLINGY. Like I remember once we were on my bed in my bedroom, I went to get something from my desk which was like half a step away and she told me to not go. And we ALWAYS had to be talking. like 24\7 (more on this in a second)
She mistreated my things, I remember a few times she maliciously threw fletcher under the guise of "Oh thats funny" (I throw fletcher but i say things like whee or go over there lol) And once I had either just got the DVD for Final Fantasy the spirits within or FFX one of those two and she said "Oh you dont need this" and ripped the plastic off the DVD cover, with no remorse.
She relied on transport for me all the time, a couple times i nearly got into a wreck trying to pick her up, and never was grateful over it. (Subtext: I remember moving her into college, which was 90 minutes away, going back and forth 4 times and by the end of the night I was destroyed physically, I remember her and her sister teasing me because I was tired)
There were a couple times she drug me around like a rag doll but that could of been more due to being drunk.
BUT The most emotionally abusive things were these things:
I was in her apartment, and she claimed to see a bat in her apartment, I spent the next 3 hours trying to find it, she threatened to drop out of college because I couldn't find it.
So why didnt I break up with her? This next thing (plus this was kind of my first relationship and I was timid, heck i'm still timid but with experience)
She kept saying things like "If you break up with me i'll jump off a bridge or jump out of a moving car" my 20/21 year old mind could not comprehend that. looking back it was SUPER TOXIC AND SUPER ABUSIVE.
The final thing always just makes me kind of laugh, but it happened. It was a couple months after we broke up (I tried to maintain that we should be "FWB" but that faded rapidly) I just got Final Fantasy XI and I was playing it, I had my AIM away message up (yeah that old, it was 2003 for fork sake) I look up and see one message from her, look up again 20 minutes later about 150, and 5 or so minutes later another 20 or so, and the majority of them was just my name, And I think that was one of the last times I talked to her.......... until today.
So yeah I did accept her apology but all these thoughts just came flooding back. We had about a 5 minute conversation about cats and then she said the generic "If you wanna talk again i'm here" or something like that. I probably wont. I'm glad she apologized for her antics, but thats about it. I might accept a friend request on FB if she does one but I wont do anything else if that makes sense. That last conversation kind of reminded me of one of the final scenes from the Book Armada, Basically the war ended, the main character Zach who's grown and matured meets up with his high school bully, who has been changed by the war again one last time, have a stilted conversation and never see each other again. Thats how I feel.
Anyways.. this was an important event that I did not expect on my bingo card. I'll probably do a top 5 movies or tv shows later maybe next week.
Thats all, be back then.
Keelah Se'lai.
Me.
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