Today has been a DAY!
I burst into tears at work, first thing. A rude customer as soon as I started was the straw the broke the camel's back, but I had also been up since 3am (I started at 7am) because my overthinking brain awoke me (as it does) because I am so stressed about this damn operation.
The knee operation is really only two weeks away, which is scary to think about, and I've been doing my due diligence trying to prepare myself for it as much as I can. But as much as I can prepare for it, last night I tried balancing on one leg and used the door-frame of my bathroom to get myself up off the toilet - you know, since that's going to be my life pretty soon for some time. In the process of doing so, I felt a twinge in my back. Thankfully not crippling, but enough to hurt, and my thought-process immediately went to, "Well, if I fuck my back whilst I can't use a knee, I'll be royally fucked then!" And I spiralled from there. I'll be found rotting like a corpse since I won't be able to get up from the damn bed, or the floor, or wherever my final resting place is. But, I know I need to practice. But practice with some medical aids, rather than the doorway edge. I'm going to get some crutches, and more than likely something that can double as a toilet-seat raise and shower-seat, if I can. I need to practice with these so I can work out my centre of gravity, so I don't injure myself. I'll be very slow and steady and barely leave my apartment those first three or four days, I feel. I'll try and get myself a week's worth of supplies, just in case. I am very worried about my mental health, not going outside for four days. It declined pretty badly on Monday night. I'd gone to the library and to see the movie at the cinemas after work. I went and saw the new Jurassic World: Rebirth movie, since I'm a fan of the franchise. Look, it didn't help that the movie was a real let-down (although the action scenes were pretty decent, the movie was just stupid), but I got pretty down on myself in that cinema, and I was glad to get out of there. I thought the movie itself would take my mind off things, but yeah, no.
I just need to learn to go through this process. Get the surgery done, hope to God there's no complications (and with my older brother having complex issues with his surgeries lately, this thought doesn't help me much either), try not to focus on the fact that I'll be in a lot of pain for especially those first three to four days, and then after that, hopefully be confident enough on my crutches to get outside a bit more. I just don't know what to expect, mobility-wise and pain-wise. From what I've researched, the pain is between a 4-7 out of 10, and sleeping will be difficult. I hope I get some good meds. I will need to elevate that leg to have any chance of getting sleep. Getting up to use the bathroom will be annoying. I wonder if it would be easier to get a pee-jug, but I don't particularly want my room smelling like piss lol. Surely I can get myself up and a few steps with a mobility-aid to the bathroom, right? Im just really overthinking this, which is no surprise. I know what I have to logically do. I looked at Chemist Warehouse across the road, and they have some normal crutches for sale, but seem to be out of the forearm ones, which my mother thinks will be better - they will also fit in my small bathroom much easier. I'm still deciding if I need a walker. My housemate thinks I totally should get one and bling it up with rainbow flags and glitter lol. Crutches, raised toilet seat/shower seat thingy and a weeks or a fortnights worth of food, I'm thinking.
In other news, my Grindr profile got hacked. I wouldn't have even know until my friend Alex told me. He sent me a screenshot of my profile. It was a 32-year old woman, with two kids. I burst out laughing. Good luck to her, using Grindr to hook up! But yeah, I went into Grindr for the first time in weeks to find my whole profile compromised. The hacker had even received about ten messages from guys and "she"d responded to some of them, but not all, which I found interesting. I couldn't work out if it was an AI-hack or what. Guys had messaged her and she'd responded saying that she was looking to get her pussy eaten and fucked really hard. She had sent nudes! I saw her huge titties, messaging from my profile. LOL. A few guys had even sent their numbers. She'd even sent her LOCATION to one guy. Thankfully I didn't recognise any of the streets on it, so it wasn't actually MY address, thank God. One guy had messaged "her" that he was only 5 minutes away. I'm not sure if I'm more shocked or impressed that she's managed to get a guy over on a gay app, or if it even happened. Anyway, it took a while to figure out how the hell to change my password. I kept trying an nothing worked. I just changed the profile to a picture of me and my bio to read, "Not a 32-year old mum with two kids, but my hacker is!"
When I got home from work, I told my housemate what had happened, and he thought it was hilarious. I showed him some of the messages too, and some guys had sent their dick pics. A few were decent looking too. He was like, "She did all the hard work for you!" LOL.
So yeah, it's been a bit of a fun day. I'm glad it's my weekend, but I'll probably spend a lot of it overthinking again about my surgery going wrong or some tangent of it.
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